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SUNDAY, JUNE 20, 2010
Dads unnecessary? No way. H
by Bruce Feiler
appy Father’s Day, dads! Now please just go away. Yes, daddy-bashing is sud- denly cool. The cover story of the latest Atlantic proclaims
REP. JOE BARTON (R-TEX.) BY KEVIN LAMARQUE/REUTERS
Worst Week inWashington
The Fix’s By Chris Cillizza P
resident Obama spoke from the Oval Office on Tuesday night hoping for a game-changer in public opinion on his handling of the Gulf Coast oil spill. But unlike in past high-profile addresses — say, his 2004 speech at the
Democratic National Convention, his remarks at the Iowa Jefferson-Jackson Dinner in 2007 and his speech distancing himself from the controversial Rev. Jeremiah Wright in 2008 — Obama failed to meet the high rhetorical expectations he had set for himself and was roundly panned by the punditocracy. Combine that lead balloon of a speech with the oil still leaking into the gulf, coastal-state officials taking to cable shows to condemn the federal response and BP executives continuing to stuff their collective feet into their mouths — “small people,” really?— and it seemed an easy choice to name our commander in chief as having had the Worst Week in Washington. Then Joe Barton opened his mouth. Barton, a Texas congressman and the highest-ranking Republican on the Energy and Commerce Committee, decided to apologize to — wait for it — BP chief execu- tive Tony “I’d like my life back” Hayward during a hearing Thursday morning. “I’m ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday,” Barton told Hay-
ward, condemning a $20 billion account funded by BP to help pay damages from the spill and calling it a “shakedown” of the company by the Obama administration. Did Barton venture into a political Bizarro World? Up is down? C-A-T spells “dog”? Whatever his reasons, condemnation rained down on Barton as Democrats pointed to him as the symbol of Republicans’ deep ties to the oil industry, and even House GOP leaders such as John Boehner and Eric Cantor averted their eyes and shuffled away from the looming PR disaster. Barton’s apology to BP — for which he quickly issued a too-little-too-late apology
and retraction Thursday afternoon — allowed the White House to reclaim the high ground in the political fight over the oil spill. For sympathizing with the wrong guy, Joe Barton, you had the Worst Week in Washington. Congrats, or something.
Have a candidate for Worst Week in Washington? E-mail
chris.cillizza@
wpost.com with your nominees.
“The End of Men: How Women Are Taking Control — of Everything,” while inside the magazine Pamela Paul poses the emascu- lating question, “Are Fathers Necessary?” Her answer, after sifting through the re- search: probably not. Social scientists have been unable to prove that dads con- tribute much, she reports. The effort and quality of parenting are what really mat- ter, not parents’ gender. “The bad news for Dad is that despite common perception, there’s nothing objec- tively essential about his contribution,” con- cludes Paul, the author of “Parenting, Inc.” The bad-dad rap doesn’t stop there. A
20-year study of lesbian parents in the journal Pediatrics concludes that teen- agers raised by two mothers (read: no dad) had better grades and fewer social prob- lems than other teens. The study’s co- author, Nanette Gartrell of the University of California at Los Angeles, explained the difference by saying that lesbian mothers are more committed to child-rearing than heterosexual parents. So what’s a beleaguered dad to do? If science can’t prove that we matter, does that mean we don’t? I’ve had plenty of reason to think about the role of fathers recently. Two years ago, doctors found a seven-inch tumor in my left femur. On the day I learned of my life- threatening illness, my 3-year-old twin daughters came rushing to greet me at home, laughing and falling to the ground. I crumbled. I kept imagining the recit- als I might not see, the graduations I could miss, the aisles I might never walk down. Would they wonder who I wasor yearn for my approval, my love, my voice? Three days later, I awoke with a plan to
fill that void. I reached out to six men from all parts of my life and asked them to be there for my daughters at key moments. This group of men — my oldest friend, my camp counselor, my college roommate, my business partner, my closest confidant and a tortured, romantic poet — became the Council of Dads. I asked each to convey a different message to my girls: how to live, how to think, how to travel, how to dream. Talking with these friends, it became clear to me that the men of my generation are often more involved as parents than their fathers were; they’re also more com- municative and more open to discussing
their feelings and their kids. This may re- flect shifting family dynamics, with both parents increasingly working outside the home, or new economic realities. “For the first time in American history,”
explained Rabbi Harold Kushner, the au- thor of “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” “we have a generation of Americans growing up who cannot look forward confidently to being more suc- cessful than their parents.” That’s a psy- chological need, he added, especially for men. “So what a lot of people are doing is redefining success: ‘Okay, I’m not going to make as much money as my father made, but I’m going to have my priorities straight. I’m not going to be so busy I can’t watch my kids at a dance recital.’ ” But while many dads are spending more time with their kids, an alarming number are spending less. The Census Bureau re- ports that in 2009, more than 24 million children lived apart from their biological fathers. That is one out of every three kids in the United States, including 25 percent of white children, 34 percent of Hispanics and 64 percent of African Americans. The percentage of American kids coping with absent fathers has tripled since 1960. Good thing fathers are unnecessary, one might conclude — so few are even around. But if social science has not proved that
having dads present is helpful, it has dem- onstrated that not having them around is dreadful for the kids. Such children are five times more likely to be poor, the Census Bu-
face is whether a child would be better raised by a single mom or a two-parent fam- ily. And since the mom-dad, two-parent family has been proven to be the better en- vironment in which to raise children, we need to encourage fathers to be involved.” On June 8, the National Fatherhood Ini-
tiative gave out its Military Fatherhood Award. I attended the event in Washing- ton and watched the military fathers who spoke break down as they talked about their kids’ struggles during their absences. More than half a million dads are in active service, affecting 1.8 million children. The winner this year was Master Sgt.
Rick Marston of McGuire Air Force Base in New Jersey. At the ceremony, his 10-year- old son, Jake, said that when his father is de- ployed, he feels he must be more responsi- ble and help with his younger brothers. Tim Red, who served active duty in the
National Guard for 20 yearsand now works for the fatherhood initiative, said his 15- year-old son told him that the day he was deployed to Iraq, he “stopped praying,” be- cause his dad would no longer see him play baseball. It’s clear that when fathers are serving, their families are hurting. Articles and arguments like “Are Fathers
Necessary?” grate because they put men into the same trap that women have been clambering out of for years. It reduces us to our biology (give us your sperm, and we’ll take care of the rest) and our stereotypes (fathers roughhouse, but mothers nur- ture). Maybe those researchers who can’t
A study concludes that teenagers raised by two mothers had fewer social problems.
reau says, and show higher tendencies toward obesity, dropping out of high school and crime. Researchers at Columbia Uni- versity found that even children living with two parents who display a poor relationship with their fathers are 68 percent more likely to smoke, drinkor use drugs compared with all teens in such households. Paul notes such “ominous statistics” in her Atlantic article but emphasizes that we don’t know if dads themselves make the difference. Maybe it’s just the income a dad provides that matters, or the presence of a second parent, regardless of gender. But Vincent DiCaro, senior director of public affairs for the National Fatherhood Initiative, said Paul’s article didn’t consid- er the realities most parents and kids face. “In the real world, parents don’t get to choose between having their child raised by two women, two men, or a man and a wom- an,” he told me. “The decision most people
find evidence that fathers matter should visit Fort Stewart, Quanticoor McGuire. A few days before the Military Father-
hood event, I went to my daughters’ first ballet recital. The auditorium was brim- ming with mothers and fathers. As I stood among them, I thought back to the day I learned of my illness. Ballet recitals were one of life’s pleasures I had most feared missing. Tears streamed down my face. Today, I am cancer-free, but even better, the six men in my Council of Dads are committed to being father figures to my daughters. Whether or not we’re neces- sary, we are present. And though I may not be able to prove it, my daughters seem to like having us around.
bruce@brucefeiler.com
Bruce Feiler is the author of “The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me.”
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