Learning I was not alone in my fear, that even professional So, there at the top of the route in Chulilla, I had to face head


on the thing I had spent years hiding from. Unable to cling on any longer, I flew down with a scream and then lowered to the ground a sobbing mess. A couple of days later I started documenting my climbing


journey. Writing my thoughts down helps me process them, so I adopted the same approach to help grasp my fear of falling.


10/02/2020 – Progress is going slowly at the moment. What’s happening to me? I feel like I’m broken. Around me I see people climbing so confidently and sending their dream routes, while I’m stuck staring up at the wall full of doubts, insecurity, and fear. Some days I don’t even want to carry on climbing anymore.


The realisation that my only coping mechanism for my fear had been to avoid it was difficult to take., but I knew I could start to improve myself and my climbing by changing this mind-set. So, I started reading, researching, and absorbing any information I could find on fear management. From podcasts to books I found out all I could over the next year back in the UK. Watching other climbers at the crag and talking about this issue with friends I found that fear is something we all naturally encounter, but it’s how we’ve learned to respond to it which makes the difference.


14/04/2020 – I heard a brilliant quote today in a climbing film about Nina Williams. When talking about fear she said: “I feel the fear, I hear it, I sense it but I don’t have to listen to it.” Immediately I feel like this has changed my outlook on fear. I am not alone in it. And I know I can learn to manage it too!


climbers feel it was unbelievably comforting, and the idea that it could be managed, was inspiring. I started collecting techniques to help with fear management, adding them to my toolbox. Initially I found fall practice, learning my triggers, and visualisation to be the best tools. Then as I developed I learnt breathing techniques to calm my mind and maintain focus, when before the fear would have taken over. Also fostering a positive mindset helped me not let those harder days get to me as much. Everyone’s mind is unique and so each person’s methods will be just as individual and adapt over time as they do. It takes time to find out what works best for you, but once you do, you’ll be set up with a good base of techniques to build up from. Things were going well until lockdowns forced extended


periods of time away from the rock. I found it tough that, after many months of hard work, I was not immediately where I had left off. I was expecting too much of myself and was about to learn the hardest lesson of all – how to be kind to myself, something I still struggle with to this day. Time away is always difficult, it often brought back doubts about how I would feel when I was back on the rock again, and sometimes it can even feel like you’ve gone back to zero again. I tried to keep the belief that I could get back up to my high point at the centre of my mind though. Although there might be some ups and downs along the way, all the progress I had made in the past was still there behind me. So often I have to remind myself that progress isn’t linear, and sometimes it might even feel like you’re going backwards. The path to success is often bumpy but as long as you’re committed, you’re still making progress. In February 2021 I had the chance to put all the tactics I had


learned over the last year or two into practice on a route I was projecting called ‘Goose Creature’ in the Slate Quarries of North Wales. Despite this route being on bolts, it gets a trad grade of E3 6a because of its run-out nature. Unperturbed by the cold winter days, myself and my climbing partner Ben would trudge through the quiet streets of Llanberis up to the quarries, passing icicles as long as our legs hanging from the roofs of the slate tunnels some days. Firstly, I focused on working out all the moves on a top rope and building confidence in my abilities to execute them. Next, I moved onto leading the route in sections and taking practice falls, a bit difficult when there are only two bolts on the whole 15m climb.


28/01/2021 – Today I started taking practice falls on Goose Creature. Knowing the fall gives me the confidence to lead it one day. I started below the bolt and worked up to taking falls well above the bolt to prepare myself for the runout sections. For me the crux was a dynamic move from two tiny crimps and a smear up to a brilliant jug. Missing this hold and falling from here down the slab scared me the most, but now I feel much more confident because I’ve taken the fall lots of times and know how it feels.


I knew I had to not let these worries about falling get the


better of me on the redpoint. I visualised myself successfully climbing the route, but also confidently taking falls lots over the coming days and headed up again few days later to try it.


SUMMIT#105 | SPRING 2022 | 55


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