The Upbeat Outback • Miscellaneous & More! $50/hr ~ No mileage restrictions ~ Zulla H Let Us Drive You!

Heading out to a holiday par- ty? Going to a special wine event or social? Let me drive you safely so you can enjoy yourself! It’s personal & con- venient! T ere are no mileage restrictions. Taking a busi- ness trip and need a ride to the airport? Going wine tast- ing? We have wi-fi so you can work while en-route! Call me!

Personal Transport $50/hr.


Armstrong Paper Group is looking to hire warehouse workers & drivers! Several positions Available!


Are you the right one for the job? Positions normally start from $16 to $18/hr, and in some cases, more! Call us, we’d love to talk with you! Ask for Steve, and tell them you heard

about the position(s) in Upbeat Times! (707) 546-6300. We are

located at 2329 Circadian Way, Santa Rosa, CA.

Upbeat Times in Santa Rosa, CA!

$15 Off First Golf


Golf Lessons Inner Game Coaching


CHT, MA, USGTF Certified Instructor

707-548-2664 Chris Parr sends us this photo of some people reading the

Upbeat Times mid February at a recent Rotary Club Crab feed Fund-raiser- People really love your paper, Paul! Thanks Chris! ~ PAD


color Business Card size ad offer!*

Upbeat Times $71

Business Card size ads Vertical Only! 1.9 w x 3 tall

3 month minimum run 707-494-1767

FOR Sale! Was $11,980...

Now $4800

Used Complete Silk screen Printing Equipment! Everything you’ll need! It all works great!

Serious Inquiry’s Only! Private seller. By Appointment.

707-579-8966 Ask For Mr. D

$50 LIKE

Gets you 60 words and a 10 word headline in Upbeat Times!

Email word copy to

When we receive check for $50 we’ll put ad in! Send to Upbeat Times P.O. Box 7312 Santa Rosa, CA 95407

Teacher: “Whoever answers my next

question, can go home.” One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: “Who just threw that?” Boy: “Me, and now I’m going home.”

Upbeat Times at The Santa Rosa West Rotary Crab Feed Santa Rosa, CA!

Rich Feldman & Chris Parr Feldman taking a moment to read the latest & the greatest good news! ~ PAD

JOKES & Humor #8

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a de- serted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses,

TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, “If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, “Okay.” The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA

Website, scans the ground us- ing his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high- tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, ‘‘You have exactly 1,586 sheep.” The shepherd cheers, “That’s

correct, you can have your choicest sheep from the herd.” The young man takes one of the animals which he likes most and cute from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, “If I guess your profession, will you re- turn my animal to me?” The young man laughed and answers, “Yes, why not?”

The shepherd says, “You are an auditor.”

“How did you know?” asks the young man.

“Very simple,” answers the shepherd.

“ First, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don’t understand anything about my business... now can I have my DOG back?”

Pg 30 • March 2019 • UPBEAT TIMES, INC. Your positive action combined with positive thinking results in success. ~ Shiv Khera

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