E12
KK
KLMNO Note to our readers
Because of a production error, The Post Puzzler in the Aug. 1 Arts & Style section was a duplication of the previous week’s puzzle. Below you’ll find the puzzle that should have run, No. 17, along with this week’s puzzle, No. 18.
By Trip Payne • Edited by Peter Gordon •
www.fireballcrosswords.com ACROSS
The Post Puzzler No. 17
1 It can help you make a connection at the airport
9 Fix
15 Was supported by 16 Acne drug also used to remove wrinkles
NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST
Her parents fight, and she’s left feeling helpless
Dear Carolyn: My parents are fighting more and more, and now in front of my brother and me (we’re in our teens). When they are alone and fighting we can hear them, and I see my mom afterward and see that she has cried. I don’t know what to say or do. I believe my parents won’t end up splitting because it has been a tough year for us, with my dad losing his job and then finding another. What can I do to help them, and what can I say to my parents
after I have heard them fight? Distressed Daughter
What you’ve said here is important for your parents to know: You’re hearing fights that they might believe are private; you’re scared; you’re worried about your mom; you’re feeling helpless. You’re also reassuring yourself based on impressions, as opposed to direct information. You don’t have to launch into a big
statement — just, “Mom, I hear you and dad fight, and I’m worried about you. I’m worried about us.” If she’s not ready to talk — say, if she brushes you off with, “Everything’s fine” — wait for a better opportunity, and say then that you’d like to talk to her. Approach your dad the same way. When you’re both ready, don’t speak your mind so much as your feelings: “When you guys fight, I feel” sad/helpless/scared — whatever describes where you are. Sometimes you will have to do more for your family during tumultuous times — tidying up, laundry — and sometimes you will have to ask less of them. As tempting as it may be to try to help your parents, though, do watch carefully for the line between being transparent with them and disappearing into their mess. You’re not the right shoulder for them
to cry on, or partisan for either to win over, or, certainly, scapegoat for anyone to blame. You want them to
CAROLYN HAX
communicate with you, not through you.
Since school starts in a few weeks, plan to visit to your school counselor. Having a safe place to talk can lighten many burdens, and you might pick up some strategies for staying calm through parental storms. You (and your brother) are on the seam between childhood and adulthood. You can’t stomp your feet and expect to be made whole, and you can’t shoulder the kind of responsibility an adult can. Instead, you can hold up your current responsibilities at home, and maybe assume a few more; you can pull your weight in school; you can be a warm and supportive sibling; you can learn to talk about negative feelings before they show up as actions or, worse, reactions. Finally, you can learn the difference
between something that affects you, which parental squabbling surely does, and something that reflects on you, which this doesn’t at all. In a way, this intensely personal strain you’re feeling has a universal remedy: be loving to others, be flexible in your expectations, be good to yourself. No matter what form the outcome takes, you will get through this, and so will they.
Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or
tellme@washpost.com.
www.washingtonpost.com/discussions. ASK AMY
Soured friendship has hallmarks of abuse
Dear Amy: I have two female friends who are closer to each other than I am to either of them. Over the years, the relationship between these friends has devolved into something like a battered spouse scenario.
My one friend is meanly critical of the other and goes to her house almost daily, screaming profanities at her for her faults du jour. It has escalated to the point that I am worried for both of them. What can I do, if anything?
Worried It sounds as though your friend is
locked into an abusive relationship with this other woman; please encourage her to leave this relationship, and also urge her to get help. Tell her you’re very worried about her.
If you witness one person screaming profanities at another or are worried about your friend’s safety (and it sounds as if you are — or should be), you should call the police immediately. This is a dangerous situation that seems to be escalating. The National Domestic Violence
Hotline offers very helpful advice for concerned friends and family members who are worried about or witnesses to an abusive relationship. Read through the Web site for guidance: www.ndvh. org. The NDVH phone number is 800-799-SAFE (7233); you can call and speak to a counselor. Give this number to your friend, and encourage her to call.
Dear Amy: I have enough return address labels to last for 50 years, sent to me from charities wanting my support. I used to send a token donation to
cover the value, on the theory that if I actually use the material it’s valid to send a contribution. Now it’s gotten out of control, and if I
don’t send any contribution I get a follow-up letter. I know these organizations need help, but you can’t
support everything! Do you have a nice, easy perspective on this
less-than-earth-shattering issue? Inundated With Mail
Controlling this unwelcome attention
starts at the first point of contact. By receiving a check from you “to cover the value” of the labels, these groups have identified you as an easy mark. Ignore or return any unwanted solicitations along with a note asking to be taken off the list.
Contribute only to groups you have researched enough to know they are legitimate and whose missions you support. Ask charities you support not to provide, rent or sell your contact information to other groups. Recently I found myself swamped with mail sent from a group I support and have contributed to in the past. I contacted the group and told them that if they sent me further solicitations by mail or called me on the phone, I would stop contributing. That seemed to work. The American Institute of Philanthropy offers tips to stop unwanted solicitations, including ways to get your name off direct marketing lists. Check the AIP Web site at www.
charitywatch.org.
Dear Amy: I enjoy reading your column. Here,
however, is a less confrontational answer to “Puzzled Parent,” whose children never reached for the check at dinner. The mother (or father) should say to the
server, “Separate checks, please.” Then point to herself and himself and say, “These two together.”
Been There, Been Treated Well said.
Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune. com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
© 2010 by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services
ONLINE DISCUSSION Carolyn Hax’s weekly Web chat is at noon Fridays at
17 Misbehaved 18 Largest arboreal animals 19 Overabounds 20 Animal cracker shape 22 Start of the Chinese zodiac 23 Barely visible 24 Sachet feature 25 Cartoon character with a monkey friend named Boots
26 Gametogenesis results, sometimes
27 “The Venice of the Middle East”
28 Stockroom items 29 Spot-checked? 31 Scratch at the door? 33 Falstaff’s friend 35 Hotpoint product 38 Actress Mimieux 42 17th-century writer Walton
43 Its subgenres include harem and magical girl
45 “Jingle Bells” contraction 46 Not at all distracted 47 Empty-headed 48 “Papa” Monzano’s adopted daughter in “Cat’s Cradle”
49 2001 fi lm in which Ron Silver played Angelo Dundee
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE
M AJA HE I D I EST A AG AR OR D E R XM E N D E N T A L A S SIS T A N T DR E A D S
ST O L T Z TU R T L E S H E L L
HI N D I AV E ES P Y S ARA ADD E D U P EE L ZA P TO E R A G S RA O EN O IN D E R A L CR T LIL A C AS I OM E N S I N SIS T S U P O N
LA T E E N TE S T E R
ON A M A S S I V E S C A L E MI N I EL M E R OG L E BL O C TY P E O WE A K
35 36 37 42
46
49 52 56
58 50 53 54 57 59 55 47 51
50 Buildings with boards 51 Dances on a beach 52 Live off of, say 54 Nationwide Series event 56 “Candid Camera” regular Flagg
57 Salty stuff 58 It might be left to the next generation
59 Like steppes DOWN
1 Style similar to a high and tight
2 Option after the toss 3 Worn away 4 Bad guys 5 Rings up? 6 Nuptial affi rmative 7 Diamond concerns 8 Not so long ago 9 Fake business, e.g.
10 End of an aviation-related URL
11 ___-Green (fertilizer brand) 12 Ice cream fl avor with chocolate-covered peanuts 13 “It’s time for battle!”
14 1972 U.S. Open winner 21 Preposterous 24 Necktie material 25 ___ Brunson (nickname for a starting hold’em hand of 10–2)
27 Israel’s defense minister 28 Not to be taken lightly 30 Nursery rhyme surname 32 Like some lamb dishes 34 “A Man Lay Dead” novelist Marsh
35 It’s spotted in Africa 36 Bloomers at the Masters golf tournament
37 Full of knowledge 39 Unable to help, in a way 40 Bridge combinations 41 Aids for the error-prone 44 Bank named on a credit card
47 Person who gets it? 48 Many a Keith Haring work 50 San Francisco’s ___ Tower 51 “Mother’s Day Proclamation” author
53 Biotech material 55 Bo preceder
12345678 9 1011121314 15
16 17 19 23 26 29 30 33 34 38 43 44 48 39 40 41 45 27 31 32 24 28 20 21 25 18 22
SUNDAY, AUGUST 8, 2010
The Post Puzzler No. 18
By Mike Shenk • Edited by Peter Gordon •
www.fireballcrosswords.com
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