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AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18 Tere can be a subtle boost in your social or romantic life this month. Oh, unemotional Aquarius, this thing called love, you just can’t handle it. A-this thing (this thing), a-called love (called love) you really must get round to it. Or, before you can say “there goes my bay-ay-bee”, you’ll be left on your own. So be cool, relax, get hip, and you’ll be on the right track. Ready Freddy? Your lucky original soundtrack is the one off of Flash Gordon.

ARIESMAR 21 - APR 19 If you need to break free from the past in some way, oh independent Aries, then this is the month for doing so. As old Aunty Mann used to say, ‘I want to break free. I want to break free from your lies, you’re so self… satisfied, I don’t neeeeed you.’ She was vacuuming in a moustache at the time, or maybe that was a dream… Pwah pwah pwah pwah pwaaaah.Your lucky debut is eponymous.

TAURUSAPR 20 - MAY 20 Tese days, your focus is generally on making contacts, learning, and moving about in your life. Tis month, however, you're looking to scratch the surface more deeply. Oh, materialistic Taurus, is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? Do you feel caught in a landslide? I recommend you open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Hit me where the wind blows. Doesn’t really matter to me… Your lucky Roman numeral is II

dah bom. Your lucky day is at the races

VIRGOAUG 23 - SEP 22 Good energy is with you for communicating compassion and understanding, oh analytical Virgo. Sometimes, all we hear is radio ga-ga, or indeed, radio goo-goo. Well, radio, what’s new? But fear not. Despite having had your time, and your power, you’ve yet to have your finest hour. Someone still loves you; just tune out the shit.Your lucky news is that of the world

LIBRASEP 23 - OCT 22 Tis month is good for making connections, but also keeping some level of independence or detachment. Oh, diplomatic Libra, the important thing is balance. Everyone needs somebody to love, Libra, but can anybody find you somebody to love? Not if you stay so independent, no matter how hard you cry and you cry and you cry. Your lucky jazz is JAZZ!

GEMINIMAY 21 - JUN 22 Tere is a nice feeling of forward motion this month, and it suits you well. Oh, energetic Gemini, embrace it. If you want to ride your bicycle, if you want to ride your bike, if you want to ride your bicycle then you should ride it where you like. Bicycle races are coming your way, so forget all your doodies. Oh yeah. Your lucky attack is heart (sheer)

PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20 Leadership qualities or abilities are prominent this month for you, as your career is in strong focus, buddy. You’re a young man (woman), hard man (woman), shouting in the street (cul-de-sac), gonna take on the world some day. You’ll have your share of sand kicked in your face, but you’ll come through. Champion. Your lucky kind of magic is sitting in a suspended box like some sort of prick.

SCORPIOOCT 23 - NOV 21 You are a little more open and direct about your talents, resources, or skills now, and this can be beneficial to you as it opens up possibilities or opportunities. Oh, passionate Scorpio, show the world your kind of magic. Just take one dream, one soul, one prize, one goal, and a golden glass of whaaaa-shaaaa-boooo… Ok, I don’t know the last line, but I do know that magic is the fucking tits. Kinda. Your lucky game is Hungry Hungry Hippos

SAGITTARIUSNOV 22 - DEC 21 Tis is a good day for connecting with others in happy ways, for finding your

CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22 Especially since Jupiter's transit of your sign last year, you have a much stronger sense of self, oh responsive Cancer, and you're carrying yourself in such a way that you're naturally attracting the right resources to you. Just don’t get carried away. Soon, you’ll want it all. You’ll want it all. You’ll want it all, and you’ll want it now. Keep a lid on that shit. Your lucky night is at the opera

LEOJUL 23 - AUG 22 Tis month's energy emphasizes the Fire signs, and this gives you a subtle boost, oh, ambitious Leo. Are you ready, are you ready for this, are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Good. Just make sure that when the bullets rip, it’s another one that bites the dust and not you. Bada bom, bom, bom. Ba bon bon, ba

10 / March 2015/

voice, and for coming up with new ideas. I’ve recently come up with a new idea for connecting with others using a blend of celestial advice and Queen lyrics, but that’s not for you, oh unemotional and independent Sagittarius. Not until you start emoting and depending more. Be less unemotional and less independent. Ok, just the one, then… Flash! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Your lucky space is hot

CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 20 Salvation would be some time to yourself today, dear Capricorn, even though it would benefit you to spend some time with or around others as you are radiating subtle, healing energy. Tere was another famous Capricorn that radiated subtle, healing energy, wasn’t there. Praise him. Tat’s right. David Bowie. He felt the terror of knowing what this world is about, and watched some good friends screaming “let me out!” And so that’s what he did, bless him. Be da bee da deh. Your lucky hits is greatest (1 and 2. Not 3, though).


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