CANCERJun 21 - Jul 22 'Planet earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.' So sang David Bowie. “Dun-da dun-da dun-da clap! Clap!”, he continued. Apparently he always hated those claps, but we all love them, right? Oh, oversensitive Cancer, perfection is a cruel mistress, and while you’re obsessing over the bad claps, you’re overlooking Bowie’s excellent dun-da
dun-das.Lucky Day: August 14th
AQUARIUSJan 20 - Feb 18 Sometimes people take the most convoluted routes from A to B. Tese people might get there last, but their journey has been full of lush scenery and rich experiences, not glued to a sat- nav in the fast lane of some concrete dystopia. Screw the directions, oh rebellious Aquarius, Pull off in life. Take it all in, watch out for pot-holes and don’t forget to change your oil every now and then. Lucky day: August 2nd
PISCESFeb 19 - Mar 20 All too often we let our fears get the better of us. Oooooh, oversensitive Pisces, fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little- death that brings total obliteration. You should face your fear. Permit it to pass over you and through you. And when it has gone past you will turn your inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only you will remain. Good advice, that. I wrote that. Lucky Day: August 11th
ARIESMar 21 - Apr 19 Te laws of 'cause and effect' are not always as straightforward as we might wish. Oh, impulsive Aries, your enthusiasm is a wonderful ally, but if you don’t look before you leap you could end up neck deep in your old nemesis: messy conclusion. Lucky Day: August 5th
TAURUSApr 20 - May 20 Tey say, “Blessed are they who have no expectations for they shall not be disappointed.” Ugh, what shits “they” are. “Tey” wouldn’t know a good thing if it shat on “their” cornflakes. Ever wondered why “they” tell you shit like that? Yeah, so “they” get all the good shit. Shit! Shit on it, Taurus. Shit on it!Lucky Day: August 17th
GEMINIMay 21 - Jun 22 You do not suffer fools gladly, oh superficial Gemini, you suffer them badly. But, why suffer them at all? Are you so desperate to be liked that any old shit-wit’s attention is welcome? You could lose all that dead wood and climb to the top of the tree. Leaf them all behind, branch out and sycamore positive environment, oaky?Lucky Day: August 13th
VIRGOAug 23 - Sep 22 If your life is a soap opera, this is the bit where the scriptwriters hold a conference. Establishing shot: Pub exterior. Cut to interior. “Tat lonely goon at the bar is a Virgo,” says a burly bald man to his equally burly bald brother. “Indeed, he is something of a bell- end,“ his brother replies. “Tat explains his fussy inflexibility, isn’t it?” says the first. Ah, writers, eh? Be more helpful. Lucky Day: August 3rd
LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22 Te clock on the wall says one thing: it’s time to party! Oh, Birthday Boy/Girl Leo, time is on your side this month, so don’t sweat being another year older. Turn back the clock, don’t be alarmed, and make sure to wash your hands and face afterwards. Bong!
Clocks.Lucky Day: August 27th
LIBRASep 23 - Oct 22 It is not just actions that speaklouder than words. Brian Blessed speakslouder than words, too. Unless, of course, the words in question have been spoken by Brian Blessed, because nothing speaks louder than Brian Blessed words. Not even Brian Blessed. Actions? Don’t make me fucking laugh. Tey are a mouse’s fart compared to the mighty bellow of Brian Blessed. Be more like Brian
Blessed.Lucky day: August 22nd
SCORPIOOct 23 - Nov 21 Te classic comedy example involves a table with a wobbly leg. Also, a rabbi, a priest and a nazi. Or maybe a hooker. I don’t recall. I’m not great at jokes. I’m more an advice man, you
see. But, oh unyielding Scorpio, that wobbly table is you, isn’t it? It’s a metaphor. You’re a wobbly table in a joke room full of spiritual conflict. Knock knock. Who’s there? You are, Scorpio. You
are.Lucky Day:
August 21st
SAGITTARIUSNov 22 - Dec 21 Some people are sticklers for the
letter of the law. Others, like yourself, are far too independent to be told what to do by others. Be careful, oh independent, unemotional
Sagittarius. Free thinking is one thing, but don’t let your lack of emotion lead you down a dark path. Lucky Day: August 10th
CAPRICORNDec 22 - Jan20
Don't underestimate your advantage. Tere was another famous Capricorn who underestimated his
advantage, wasn’t there? Praise him. Tat’s right. D… D… D… David Bowie. Once he’d got over that, though, it was all ch… ch… ch… chips and g… g… g… gravy. Turn and face the strange. It’s time to be more like Bowie and less like Elvis. Lucky Day: August 9th
BY DR E. MANN 10 / August 2014/
outlineonline.co.uk
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