healthykids
Quiet Kids in a Noisy World
Bringing Out the Best in Introverts by Meredith Montgomery
G
abrielle Perillo’s daughter, A’ngel, 11, is a deep thinker, compassionate for all beings (human and not), a defender of justice, spiritual and extremely creative. She pursues any subject she studies with focus and passion. Although other chil- dren are naturally drawn to her, A’ngel, a born introvert, generally prefers to play quietly on her own. At first, her mother worried that her daughter was being insensitive to others and not pay- ing attention to her surroundings. But once Mom released her own emotional projections, she recognized how happy her daughter is in her own space and began to appreciate the benefits of this independence.
At least a third of Americans are introverts, yet many parents are prone to mischar- acterize their more private children as antisocial, self- centered and lonely. Susan Cain, a former corporate attor- ney and author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,
explains, “Introverts are not antisocial, they just prefer socializing in lower- key ways.” They usu- ally form a few deep
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and intimate relationships compared to extroverts that often cultivate many friends.
Christine Fonseca, an educational psychologist and author of Quiet Kids, notes the danger in misunderstanding a child’s hesitancy or reserved nature. “Kids can benefit from understanding who they are and what it means to be an introvert. Otherwise, they may compare themselves to their extrovert friends and feel deficient.”
Introverts own many exceptional qualities. They tend to be deep thinkers able to work independently in highly creative and innovative ways. They may prefer to learn a lot about a few topics instead of a little about many different areas. Often described as empathetic, conscientious and self- aware, intro- verts make authentic leaders and effective
managers as adults.
Introvert
and extrovert temperaments are distinguished by how indi- viduals generate energy. Intro- verts process the world and
recharge through solitude; many can flourish in social
situations as long as they
can rejuvenate by being on their own. Fonseca notes a defining differ-
ence in physiology. “Introverts use part of the nervous system that has a long pathway from point A to point B, so it takes them longer to process information.”
Cain adds, “Introverts also usually have a longer runway than others, so it takes them longer to take off and fly. It’s crucial that the mes- sage they’re receiving from parents and teachers is, ‘That’s okay.’” It’s important that parents balance how they honor a child’s preferences with teaching them skills to thrive. “Don’t expect them to follow the gang,” says Cain. “Instead, encourage them to follow their passions.”
Parents can empower children with tools to increase their comfort zone. If youngsters have difficulty speaking up in class, it helps to pre- pare them with what they want to say beforehand. Cain notes that this lessens anxiety and when they are able to speak up, they’ll feel like part of the class.
Simple tips can offer relief in un- comfortable social situations. Perillo reinforces social manners before she and A’ngel arrive at an event. She focuses on the greetings, reminding her to extend her hand first, speak clearly, make eye contact and smile. Also, because self-promotion doesn’t come naturally to introverts, they often need coaching to highlight their own assets when applying for a club, college or job.
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