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issues, where many privately consider, "Who am I going to side with, and how can I be friends with both?" One of the suggestions she makes
to clients when confronting the loss is to "redefine who you are and how you would like to be in this new phase of your life." And for those that think there
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may be a possibility of maintaining a relationship, Schloss says, "Remember, you are not divorcing your in-laws or extended family that you loved and felt clearly connected." There might be potential to continue
that connection, but prepare yourself emotionally if you can't.
things to consider when coming to terms with the loss of these relationship
1. You don't have to grin and bear it alone Seek the help of a professional to help you cope with grieving the loss of these relationships.
2. Find strength from oth- er relationships Divorce is a process; accept that there will be losses. Maintaining a positive outlook will help you stay strong and develop other fulfilling relationships.
3. Redefine who you are Ask yourself, "Who am I?" and "What do I want out of life?" Shed the notion that you need to define yourself by who you were when married.
4. Eliminate negativity Consistently taking about the loss of these relationships will drive people away; it means you have not moved on. Speaking negatively to your children about their extended family will make them feel that they are betraying you if they have a relationship with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cous-
ins, and you don't want your children to feel like they have to keep secrets from you.
5. Put your children's best interest first If your children have had a positive and loving relationship with extended family and friends, it is important to keep up the connections because good relationships impact on how the children feel about themselves. For some, divorce can feel like the
beginning of a Cold War, with tension between two factions: your side and his. Divorce not only represents the un- coupling of a partnership, but can also result in the loss of other relationships, which were important to you while mar- ried. As the saying goes, time heals. Gradually, you will come to accept these losses and no longer feel the void.
Deborah Moskovitch is author of the best-selling book The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and valuable advice from 100 Top Divorce Lawyers, Financial Advisers, Counselors and other experts.
WEBSITE:
thesmartdivorce.com www.divorcedparents.co.uk | Divorced parents 63 the right time Free Info Experts Speak Contacts Links Shop
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