www.divorcedparents.co.uk
The Comm competingStop
Be unavailable for the hurt
We live in a world of com- petition and so this is a hard one. Competition can make an otherwise normal person act crazy. When hurt, it is common to try to get a leg up to feel better. But this “feel better” is temporary. Compe- tition always hurts the other person and usually triggers them to act worst towards you. Also, deep in your soul it never sits well to hurt some- one, no matter how much you dislike the person. Competition hurts you,
since sometime you come in behind on whatever standard you are measuring. Worse of all, competing keeps us attached–in a painful, nega- tive, angry way. Let it go. Define yourself in new
ways. Add things in your life that are new and just for you, like a new hobby. Please keep children out of any competition with your ex.
People can only hurt you when you are available to it, when you allow their defini- tions and descriptions of you come into your mind and heart. It is important to turn down the volume on these voices. Your ex is the last person you should seek acknowl- edgment from, even though it is the person you want it from the most. Almost every divorcé I know fantasizes about their ex years later apologizing and acknowl- edging them for all of the hurt. It rarely happens. (But the fantasy can be powerfully healing.) Get acknowledgment
from elsewhere. Find some good friends who love you and they will acknowledge you. They will tell you how wonderful you are, which you can’t hear too much when going through a divorce. Define yourself by the ways these loved one see you.
Take resp for yo
We cannot ch person but we control over o that control. A higher interes interest of put down. Make d an intention th highest good especially you It takes two in conflict. So can stay out o the other pers ately trying to Be unavailable distance and tion symbolica are viewing it battleground. behavior and he or she is ac (i.e., They are and pushing t on others. The insecure and d This way you is not always can step away Be easy on
We all judge o harshly.
18 Divorced parents |
www.divorcedparents.co.uk Home My story How can I help? What are the benefits? Finding
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