www.divorcedparents.co.uk
How to support t your children
hrough divorce PART 2 4
What to say and how to
say it
Difficult as it may be to do, try to strike an empathetic tone and address the most important points right up front. Give your children the benefit of an honest—but kid- friendly—explanation
● Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them.
● Say “I love you.” However simple it may sound, letting your children know that your love for them hasn’t changed is a powerful message.
● Address changes. Preempt your kids’ questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things won’t.
5
Avoid blaming It’s vital to be
honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. With a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game.
● Present a united front. As much as you can, try to agree in advance on an explanation for your separation or divorce— and stick to it.
● Plan your conversations. Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur. And plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible.
● Show restraint. Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.
6
How much information
to give Especially at the beginning of your separation or divorce, you’ll need to pick and choose how much to tell your children. Think carefully about how certain information will affect them.
● Be age-aware. In general, younger children need less detail and will do better with a simple explanation, while older kids may need more information.
● Share logistical information. Do tell kids about changes in their living arrangements, school, or activities.
● Keep it real. No matter how much or how little you decide to tell your kids, remember that the information should be truthful above all else.
34 Divorced parents |
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