www.divorcedparents.co.uk Jodi Lobozzo Aman
ovely people, who you’ve known for years as kind, thoughtful, and put together can sound like raging lunatics if you hear about them from their ex. Di- vorce seems to bring out the worst in us, and it usually has us seeing the worse in others. It is a devastating, convoluted time. It would be really helpful if everyone could suspend their judgments during it. Yet, judg- ments abound even greater during this heartbreaking event. For example, my friend Steve
L
is the kindest man I know, and his soon to be ex-wife Theresa is gener- ous and ingenuitive. But they have rarely recognized this in each other since separating, and probably long before. She accuses him of being unfair and critical. He sees her the same. In his defense, he has bent
over backwards for her, but none of it is appreciated. In her defense, he has a condescending voice that he uses when he is defensive. It imbues power and sounds intimidating, but really reflects his inner insecurity. I call it his “Theresa-Voice” and hate when he uses it with me. Anger, resentment, and disap- pointment create walls around us getting in the way of seeing our exes for who they are. In a guise of protecting us, they hurt us more by creating unnecessary conflict. They keep us from being our best selves. How do you turn our back on
anger, resentment and disappoint- ment? You commit to not letting them run your lives and rule your divorce. Divorce doesn’t have to be nasty. You can take control! Turn over and read the commitments.
☛ t5 Comm o a compassi Is a compassionate divorce an oxymoron or an invitation? 16 Divorced parents |
www.divorcedparents.co.uk Home My story How can I help? What are the benefits? Finding
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