19 mitments... ponsibility ourself
hange another e have total ourselves. Use Act in your own st instead the tting another decisions with hey are the for everyone, ur children. o people to be o you alone of it, even if son is desper-
o entice you in. e. Get some see the situa- ally. Like you above the See your ex’s
recognize why cting that way. miserable that misery ey are feeling defensive. Etc) can see that it about you and y less scathed. yourself.
ourselves so
iAsknstead of assuming
Judging your ex’s actions is a great divorce pastime. This makes everyone feel bad in the end. Don’t make meaning about what they are doing and why, ask them instead. Or use good friends as sounding boards. Remember there are many possible meanings behind actions and events. Take off the divorce-color glasses and see from different views. Give your ex the benefit of the doubt and always give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
Above all, be kind
All attack is hurt heart calling for love. (Remember the view from above the battleground.) Kindness usually softens a bitter heart and decreases the nasty. Responding kindly can do more to dispel it that pro- testing. Kindness doesn’t condone, but it saves you from enduring worse con- flict, quite often turning a raving person into a calm one. Even if you think your ex doesn’t deserve it, you do!
Forgiveness is not con- doning either. Forgiveness does more to relieve you than the other person. It is about releasing you from the stronghold of resent- ment. Free, you will feel amazingly better and less likely to be hurt in the future.
WEBSITE:
Jodi Lobozzo Aman, has counseling hundred of friends, family, and clients through their divorces. She married a divorced man 14 years ago, became a step-mother, and life has never been the same since! She blogs at heal Now and Forever (
www.healnowandforever.net) and works at the Center for Narrative Practice ( www.
centerfornarrativepractice.com) Check out her new e-book for free! What Is UP In Your DOWN? Being Grateful in 7 Easy Steps. ( Link to
http://healnowandforever.net/new- ebook-what-is-up-in-your-down-being-grateful-in-7-easy-steps/)
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