Develop a Healthy Co-parenting Relationship with the Father
If you are single due to a separation or divorce, you need to attempt to set some discipline guidelines for your children together. You and the other parent involved need to set up some boundaries and guidelines about discipline so that your children know what behavior is acceptable or not acceptable and that those guidelines will be consistent no matter who they are spending time with. If you can’t get cooperation from your children’s father, concentrate on being a consistent disciplinarian in your own home. Try not to overcom- pensate for an unavailable father. Your children still need structure and limits to grow into happy and healthy adults.
Follow a Daily Routine
Single moms can eliminate a lot of unnecessary stress and chaos if they have a daily routine. Some- times it isn’t easy to follow a routine and there will be days that a regular routine just isn’t going to happen, but trying to maintain a daily routine will help you stay organized and know what you are expected to deal with every day. A daily routine will also allow your children to know what is expected of them. They will know when their homework is suppose to be done, whether or not they may have an activity that day, or if your children have particular chores that need to be accomplished.
Set up a Stress Management and Self-Care Plan
Stress is a huge issue for single moms. It is hard when you may feel that the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you are all alone. Being a single mom doesn’t mean that you are alone and have to face everything by yourself. There are several things that you can do for yourself to help you cope with the everyday stress of being a parent.
Exercise is a great way to relieve tension and stress. If you can, try and find time to walk, do aerobics, bike or anything else that may be physical. Even if you spend ten min- utes walking on a treadmill, you will feel better. A favorite stress reliever in our house is dancing. This is great if you have smaller children. You can put on one of their silly song cd’s and just get out there and be silly with your kids. This is great for you and your kids. Your kids can tell when you are stressed and unhappy.
Journaling is also another great stress reliever. Journaling is some- thing private that you can write whatever you want to write. You can write out your feelings that maybe you can’t or don’t want to express to anyone else. Journal- ing helps you release negative thoughts and emotions that may be draining your precious energy.
Choosing your battles are impor- tant as a single mom. You need to decide if it is really worth fighting over. Will it really matter tomorrow, in a week, or next month? Pick the ones that are important and learn to let the rest go.
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Reach out to your family and friends. They are there for you to lean on if you need it. Don’t be ashamed to admit that you aren’t perfect. Nobody is and that is okay.
Indulge Yourself in Some Much Needed “Me Time”
Another must for single moms is to find the time, even though it isn’t always easy, to have some “me time.” Time when you can do some- thing strictly for yourself. This can be time to sit in your favorite chair and read a book, or go to dinner and a movie with a friend or maybe find a moms club that you want to become a part of. Having “me time” is very important. Find a way to make it happen. Even if it means getting up 20 minutes earlier than everyone else and enjoying that quiet time to yourself.
Being a single mom is hard work. You must wear several differ- ent hats and be several different things to many people. Look for the resources that can make things a little easier for you. Take time for yourself, commit yourself to a budget and a daily schedule, and remind yourself that it is okay that you are not perfect, and reach out
for help if you need it. Lori Radun is a certified life coach and founder of Momnificent! For a wealth of free resources for the mod- ern mom, and to join her community of magnificent moms, visit www.
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