Three elderly gentlemen are chatting in the pub. One of them says; “Hey Joe! Isn’t this your 50th anniversary?” Joe replies! “Yes it is.” “Well,” the first man asked, “what are you planning to do?” Joe replies, “Well! I remember taking my wife to Morecambe on our 25th anniversary.” The other gentleman asked, “So what are the big plans for your 50th anniversary?” Joe replies, “I’m going back to pick her up!!!!!!!”
Hi local herald, I just wanted to say that I have read this month’s issue and as usual it is very good. I noticed that you had not printed very many limericks that you asked people for a few months ago. I had written one but did not send it because I thought it was probably not good enough, but having read the ones you printed I wish I had. So I am sending it to you now.
THERE IS A MAG CALLED THE HERALD WHICH IS PROBABLY THE BEST IN THE WORLD ITS FULL TO THE BRIM WITH LOCAL ‘EVERYTHING’ WITH A MEASURE OF GOOD HUMOUR THROWN IN WHY IT GIVES US SUCH PLEASURE IS EASY TO SEE ‘COS ON TOP OF ALL THAT – IT’S FREE!
Valerie Wilson, Burnley. Thanks Valerie. Ed.
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
CDC ALERT The Centre for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends, either by email or post. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Get Your Business Noticed Did you know The Local Herald is delivered to over 45,000 homes throughout East Lancashire. Wow.
To advertise call: 01254 882100
Coincidence ? I think not !
It is believed that William Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written.
In Psalms 46, the
46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.
On 15 April 1912 the SS Titanic sunk on her maiden voyage and over 1,500 people died. Fourteen years earlier a novel was published by Morgan Robertson which
seemed to
foretell the disaster. The book described a ship the same size as the Titanic which crashes into an iceberg on its maiden voyage on a misty April night. The name of Robertson's fictional ship was the Titan.
Spooky!!!!!!!
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