ROMANCE An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck.." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.. "To get my teeth!"


Nothing lowers the level of conversation like raising one’s voice.


Harold & Ethel. Harold: What would you do if I died before you dear ? Ethel: I will probably look to sharing a house with two or three single or widowed ladies, perhaps women who were a bit younger than me as I’m still fairly active for my age. What about you Harold, what will you do if I die before you ? Harold: Probably the same.


Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you are scared to death. Earl Wilson.


Harwood House Glebe Street


Great Harwood


The One Stop Hair and Beauty Shop Special Offers


Full Head of Foiled HL’s £45 Including Cut


Full Head Colour £30 Including Cut


Full Set of Gel Nails £15 Spray Tans £15


All services on one level, Wheelchair friendly. Large Free Car Park Opposite.


Open 6 Days. Late Nights Thursday & Fridays Plus Other Nights by Appointment. Appointments Not Always Necessary.


Gift Vouchers Available. Long Term Promotions


20% Senior Citizen discounts Monday & Tuesday


20% off your next appointment with your first colour Hairdressing Chair to Rent £30/Week


01254 887530 www.parishairandbeauty.co.uk


It is wise to know that you are one of those that can be fooled some of the time.


SELL YOUR SCRAP GOLD


Don’t sit at home bored come and hit some balls Open 7 Days & Nights regardless of weather


Free Golf Lessons for juniors on Saturday Mornings Please ring for details: 01254 884222 www.lee-valley.co.uk


01254 888292 One Stop Cash Shop, 39 Queen Street, Great Harwood, BB6 7QP 3.


I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.


BLUE BIRD OF HAPPINESS, MY ASS! It's Friggin' Freezing. There's snow up my ass, all the food's covered with 3 feet of this white sh*t, and you want me to sing what?? Anne Murray's "Snowbird"? P*ss Off!! Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica, and smokin’ dope!!


The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk


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