The Royal Wedding. Prince William, the future King of E n g l a n d , wi l l ma r r y h i s long-time girlfriend, Kate Middleton on April 29th. Cather ine El izabeth "Kate" Middleton, a former classmate of William's at the University of St. Andrews, would be England's first college-educated queen. The 28- year-old comes from a middle- class background, which marks her a "commoner," but royals have been allowed to marry outside of aristocratic circles for some time. For example, Prince Edward, William's uncle, married PR executive Sophie Rhys-Jones in 1999. The prince got down on one knee during an October Holiday to Kenya, and the royal heir — a qualified pilot — reportedly flew his future bride in a borrowed helicopter to a remote, "secluded lake on the slopes of Mount Kenya" to ask for her hand. The engagement ring is the same ring that Prince Charles gave Princess Diana back in 1981. Designed by jeweller Garrards, the much-copied ring is made of 18-carat white gold, and features an oval sapphire surrounded by 14 diamonds. Souvenir manufacturers are churning out commemorative mugs, plates, thimbles, coins, playing cards, and of course the flags and bunting to adorn the street parties, traditional at Royal Weddings. "Wills and Kate" will be married in Westminster Abbey on 29th April. The royal family has many links to the abbey — it was where William's grandmother was both married and crowned queen, and where his mother was laid to rest in 1997. The government has announced the day will be a public holiday so that citizens can watch the royal couple exchange vows. Who's invited ? The great and good of British society, of course, along with a "handful" of heads of states. The complete list of 1,900 invitees has not yet been made public, but some of the confirmed guests include Elton John and his partner David Furnish, a couple of hundred members of government, and the leaders of Australia, Canada, and New Zealand. David and Victoria Beckham are also said to be on the list. In keeping with William and Kate's wish to make the event a "people's wedding," they also invited the owner of a pub near Middleton's family home in Bucklebury, as well as the local butcher, mailman, and some local shop keepers. Who isn't invited ? Barack and Michelle Obama did not make the list, and neither did French Prime Minister Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, didn't get an invitation. Simon Cowell didn't make the cut either. "Mr Mean will have to learn to live with rejection." On the day, Miss Middleton will be driven to Westminster Abbey, past some of London's most famous sites — The Mall, the Horse Guards Parade, and the Houses of Parliament — in a private car. The Archbishop of Canterbury will marry the couple, who will ride from the Abbey to Buckingham Palace in a horse and carriage. They will then "enjoy a romantic kiss on the Buckingham Palace balcony" — just as William's parents did 30 years earlier. Prince Charles will host a “bit of a do,” private dinner, followed by dancing, at Buckingham Palace on the evening of the wedding. Beatles legend Sir Paul McCartney has reportedly been asked to provide music for the shindig. The ceremony alone will cost around £12 million , and is being paid for by both the royal family and Middleton's parents — who are reportedly contributing a "five-figure sum" towards the total. Security and policing for the event will cost another £20 million and is being funded by British taxpayers. Kate's wedding gown will likely be "something traditional, but with a modern twist," details are being kept a close secret until the wedding day. The Princess will be known as Princess Catherine, though her official title is still unknown. If, as seems likely, William is made a Duke upon his marriage, Middleton will be a Duchess. But if or when William eventually accedes to the throne, she will become Queen Catherine — the sixth in the history of the British monarchy. Kate has asked her sister, Miss Philippa Middleton, to be her Maid of Honour. Prince William has asked his brother, Prince Harry, to be his Best Man.
5. Song & Dance.
New to the market. This is true.
Honestly......
I went to the Patent Office trying to r e g i s t e r s o m e o f m y inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented. I said, "A folding bottle." She said, "Okay. What do you call it?" I said, "A Fottle." "What else do you have?" I told her, "A folding carton." "What do you call it?" I said, "A Farton." She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude." I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
Which part of “BE QUIET” didn’t you understand ?
Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brulliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rengs, the meenister, even ma stag neet". Archie nods approvingly. "I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy. "A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's braw, you'll look pure smairt in that. Whit's the tartan?" "Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white !
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.
27.
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