Poker Europa's


REGULAR BEAT REPORTER


Charlie Chimp


As Valentine’s Day comes around again, every poker player’s heart and mind turns to thoughts of… the Pokerstars EPT in Copenhagen. And love. Yes, even card players need to feel the sweet warmth of human contact with someone who isn’t trying to take all your money at the table, even if they might be trying to take all your money through the divorce courts. Charlie Chimp investigates the romantic rollercoaster of a poker player.


and propensity to drop next month’s mortgage payment on a straight fl ush fl op at Omaha, you must also consider that you will get almost no sympathy from them when you are losing and be expected to pay back any money you have borrowed, as well as pay for a weekend in Barcelona, when you are up. The poker couple’s failings are magnifi ed together. The poker couple’s living room is one with a four thousand pound sofa and no working light bulbs. Their fridge contains three bottles of Champagne and a small square of hairy cheese.


LOVE AND BULLETS ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE


AND WAR… The battlefi eld and the bedroom have long been seen as places where all rules are meant to be broken in pursuit of the ultimate prize. At the tables the same can be said. No prisoners are taken, best friends become mortal enemies, and most methods of torture have been outlawed under the various Geneva Conventions except slow-rolling and sucking out on the river. But as in love and war, there are times when losing can be winning. The sacrifi ce of your Monday night game in favour of a dinner for two at an intimately lit Bistro might feel like a rough deal, but smart play like this will see you come out ahead in the long run.


…EXCEPT


Charlie Chimp was talking to Guy Campbell


30


CHEATING In days gone by, a poker cheat could expect to see himself painted with hot tar, dusted with feathers and carried to the town limits roped to a rail. Cheating is the one thing that isn’t fair in love and war. The Geneva conventions are the Edmond Hoyle of armed confl ict, where unbreakable rules are set on pain of the severest retribution. Similarly, in matters of the heart, the one thing you can’t do is cheat. Fortunately for the wives and signifi cant others of most poker players, they have more chance of meeting a tempting and available woman at an Albanian goat-herding convention than they do in the average poker room.


TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT


Valentine’s Day is handily placed on the same date of every year so that plans can be made for lover’s to spend it together. Try booking in advance so that you and your intended aren’t clinking plastic glasses of Retsina over a greasy kebab at the roadside. Avoid the temptations of online play on the day itself. No one wants to spend an evening across a candlelit table from someone who groans and slaps their head every twenty minutes recalling a full house someone rivered.


LADY LUCK


For partners of female poker players the shoe is fi rmly on the other foot. Outnumbered a hundred to one, the woman player need only to bat an eyelash to fi nd any number of men at the table offering to whisk her away to the Maldives in a private jet. Even at lower grade tables from London to Munich, a lady player need never pay for her own burger from the van at midnight. The partners of Liv Boeree, Katia Thater, Veronika Larsen and their female contemporaries at the high roller tables must live in constant fear of Patrik Antonius buying them an island.


IF YOU CAN’T BEAT THEM


It might seem like the ideal situation to date another poker player, but though your spouse might be able to understand and sympathise with your ridiculous hours, massive mood swings, questionable personal hygiene


Poker Europa | FEBRUARY 2011 | www.PokerEuropaOnline.com


DE DOO


DOO DON’T


Don’t: Play cash Stud on our phone when our partners goes to the loo. Don’t: Hand the waitress a fi ver when she brings you your prawn cocktail. Don’t: Leave your mobile phone on so that your friends can interrupt your evening texting you bad beats. Don’t: Look deep into your lover’s eyes, hold hands, smile and say, “Copenhagen, here I come”.


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