We know The Local Herald gets posted all over the world, including Australia, so we can probably expect a bit of backlash. But who cares, it’s worth it.


Such Joy.


We have to go back almost a quarter of a century to find the last England team to beat the Aussies in an Ashes Test match in Australia. It was 1986 when Mike Gatting’s team demolished them 3 - 1 on their home turf. One Aussie reporter came out with the famous saying; “England can’t bat, can’t bowl, and can’t field.” Writing off the “Pomms,” before a bowl was bowled. He hadn’t reckoned on some heroic performances from a team which included: Ian Botham, Chris Broad, David Gower, Jack Richards, John Emburey, Graham Dilley and Gladstone Small. So, as The Aussies go off to lick their wounds, we couldn’t resist a little…. how do the call it? Sledging! What does the Australian cricket coach really do? Transport the team from the hotel to the ground. What do you call a world class Australian cricketer? Retired. What do you call an Australian cricketer with a 100 next to his name?


A bowler.


Why can't Aussies get into their beer bottles any more? They don't have any decent openers. What do you call an Australian holding a champagne bottle? A waiter. What do you call an Aussie who’s capable with a bat ? ...A Vet. Why could Ricky Ponting never be a funeral director? He keeps losing the ashes. How bad is Autralia's batting? Well, they're thinking of moving Extras up to the middle order. Why don't Aussie fielders need inoculations? Because they hardly ever catch anything. What are Australian gripes? Something they make whines from. The Australian Bob Sleigh team have called a meeting with the Aussie Cricket team. They want to know how they can go downhill so fast.


I drove past Hope Hospital in Manchester and thought, “ Is this really the best name for a hospital ? Hope is the last resort.


When there’s nothing else, there’s always hope, and you name your hospital after this ? “Hiya, I’m here to see my dad.”


“Right, you need the “Fingers Crossed unit.”, it’s straight down there. If you get to the “50-50 Ward” you’ve gone too far.” Michael McIntyre


23.


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