Bless Their Cotton Socks


If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way. Crazy parking ticket awards


We’ve heard stories of parking tickets being given to buses, cows, and even burnt-out cars. The appealnow.com website gives awards for the most amazing parking tickets including:


• •


•


The word Quiz has a wonderful story surrounding its origin. Quiz nights in pubs and clubs throughout the world are as popular today as they have ever been, but to find the source of the word we must travel to Dublin. During the 1700s, a man called Daly was the manager of a theatre in the centre of the city. In 1780, he made a wager with his friends one evening that he could introduce a brand new word, with no meaning at all, to the English language. The bet was accepted and within hours Daly had chalked the letters Q-U-I-Z on doors and walls all over the city. The word immediately became the centre of attention and within weeks newspapers were running features on what it may possibly mean. Daly won his bet because the word became associated with asking questions and finding answers, with people mulling over the ’quiz’ question in coffee houses and inns throughout Ireland and England. Unfortunately there is no hard evidence to support the truth of this story, but it is still a good one and is often repeated by trivia enthusiasts.


Quiz. All the answers can be found in these pages. 1. Which inventor made a fortune out of the Crimean war ? 2. Which comedy actor starred in three Shrek films ? 3. Which team got to keep the World Cup after winning it three times? 4. How was Fingal O'Flahertie Wills better known ? 5. Who wrote the song “ Running Bear.”? 6. What present did Mad Carew give to the Colonel’s daughter? 7. Who speaks to you as if your dog has just died ? 8. What did Aaron Hill say it’s ok to do in his poem ? 9. If you can’t see Gary’s stone, what’s the weather doing? 10. In 1990 where was there a massive traffic jam?


26. If a pig loses it’s voice, is it disgruntled?


• • •


The warden who put a ticket on a rabbit hutch that had been placed briefly on the pavement outside a pet shop.


A ticket affixed to a wrecked motorcycle while its rider, suffering a broken leg from an accident, was being lifted into an ambulance.


Tickets given in 1995 to the cars of those people trying to rescue a whale that had swum up the Thames, despite the fact that the police had given them permissions to park there.


A blood transfusion van, while donors were inside giving blood.


The Parkinson’s sufferer who got a ticket for displaying his blue badge upside down.


Four cars ticketed in a funeral procession in Westminster.


Perhaps our favourite, though, is the ticket put on a driving instructor’s car when his pupil stalled doing a three-point turn.


The zoo keeper says to the University student on work


experience. “ You idiot, you left the lion’s cage open all night.” “So what’s the problem?” says the student. “Who’s going to steal a lion?”


Two Ladies Talking in Heaven 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! 1st woman:


I froze to death


2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman:


I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that


my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the front room watching the telly. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the cellar. Then I went through every wardrobe and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer--- we' d both still be alive.


I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40