The Grim Reaper came for me last night, but I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.


A blonde takes her goldfish to the vets and says she thinks it might have a touch of epilepsy as it keeps having fits. The vet says “It looks alright to me.” The blonde says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”


I just bought a dog from a blacksmith. The minute I got him home he made a bolt for the door.


Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


You know you’ve had a good drink when, you forget peoples names, then you forget peoples faces. Then you forget to pull your zip up, and finally you forget to pull it down.


You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


33.


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