BRITAIN’S GOT BRAINS 6. 7.
“ My wife talks to herself, does yours ?” “ Yes but she doesn’t realise it. She thinks I’m listening.”
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A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
BEG BORROW OR STEAL BBC2 Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is ? Contestant: Geography isn’t my strong point. Jamie Theakston: There’s a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester. BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a world- wide hit with “What a Wonderful World ?” Contestant: I don’t know. Stewart: Let me give you a few clues. What do you call the bit between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. Stewart: Correct, and if you’re not weak you would be what ? Contestant: Strong. Stewart: Correct, and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name? Contestant: Louis. Stewart: Well there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with “What a Wonderful World?” Contestant: Frank Sinatra. LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinsli: What is the capital of Italy ? Contestant: France. Tralinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Tralinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Paris. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC 2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what:- Prison, or the Conservative Party ? Contestant: The Conservative Party. GWR FM (BRISTOL) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22nd, 1963? Contestant: I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then. PHIL WOOD SHOW ( BBC RADIO MANCHESTER.) Phil: What is 11 squared? Contestant: I don’t Know. Phil: I’ll give you a clue, it’s two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five? RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Errr…… Richard: He makes bread……. Contestant: Errr….. Richard: He makes cakes….. Contestant: Kipling Street ? LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world ? Contestant: Barcelona… Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain. ROCK FM PRESTON Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci ? Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit ? JAMES O’BRIEN SHOW (LBC) James O’Brien: How many Kings of England have been called Henry ? Contestant: Er.. Well I know there was a Henry the Eighth.. Err… Three. CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Contestant: Japan. Chris Searle : I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again. Contestant: Err… Mexico ? DARYL DENHAM’S DRIVE TIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend Shekels ? Contestant: Holland ? Daryl: Try the next letter of the alphabet…. Contestant: Iceland ?..... Ireland ?..... Daryl: ( Being helpful ) It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel ? Contestant: No.
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