The following are sentences taken from actual letters received by welfare departments on applications for support: • I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had 7 but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. • I am writing the welfare department to say my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money? • Mrs. Jones had not have any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy. • I cannot get sick pay. I have 6 children. Can you tell me why. • I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. • This is my eight child. What are you going to do about it. • Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or drink until he knows. • I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born. • In answer to your letter, I have birth to a boy weighing ten pounds: I hope this is satisfactory. • I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of which is a mistake as you can see. • My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since. • Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. • You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this make any difference. • I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day. • In accordance with your instruction, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. • I want money as quick as I can get, so I have been in bed with doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.
Confucius Say. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who eat prunes get good run for money. Man who drive like hell bound to get there. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
On Marriage !
Marriage is a great institution; but who wants to live in an institution? Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Marriage is grand... and divorce is about twenty grand. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Our son came home from University for a weekend and I asked him how things were going ? “Fine.” He said. I asked him about the teaching standards of the professors ? He said “ Fine.” I said “ How are you enjoying all the bril- liant sports facilities ?” He said, “ Fine.” I then asked him if he had decided on his second subject for his degree? He said “ Yes.” I said…………. “ What was it?” He said... “ Communications.”
Diplomacy
The new golf pro from Yorkshire was asked to play 9 holes with the Captain’s wife to assess her swing and give his recommendations. After the round, in his most diplomatic voice he said…… “ I think you should give the game a break for at least a fortnight, and then pack it in altogether.
16. 8.
Gamekeeper: If I can guess how many pheasants you have in that sack can I have one ? Poacher: If you can guess how many pheasants I have in this sack you can have both of them !
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52