spotlight
ride with her.” I can see the crack of Guy’s tushy from my car before I even walk into the writer’s
While that incident proved more of a faux pas for ole Bai, Love said her most room.” The guest stars that may get a third-degree burn from the grilling Handler
embarrassing on-air moment came courtesy of a reach-out-and-touch-someone doles out during interviews can prove to be somewhat intimidating to the panel-
occasion delivered by the hand of the host. ists, except one.
“She said, ‘I think you have something on you, let me fix it’ and then she grabbed “When Betty White was on the show, everyone was pretty much in awe,” Branum
my boob,” she answered. reflected. “She was throwing down with Chelsea dirty joke for dirty joke.”
Speaking of boobs…Handler often introduces McDonald to viewers as “Long “Florence Henderson,” Love responded. “When you see a person you grew up
Boobs,” and she explained how that nickname came to be. watching, you’re hoping they’re not going to be mean. She was totally sweet and
“I definitely think that audiences believe that it got started because she’s obvi- hugged all of us, and that’s why she’s been working for 8,000 years.”
ously seen me naked, and they’re really fucking long,” she commented. “But that “If Marlee Matlin ever came on the show, then I’d be nervous—she must be
is not the truth. She just said it once in a sketch, it was really funny and she said it a aware of it (her impression of the actress) by now. She couldn’t hear me, but still,
couple more times. The fact that it totally stuck is fine with me.” someone may have signed it to her,” McDonald quipped. Speaking of celebs…
With those somewhat uncomfortable moments occurring on the set as fre- who would they like to give career advice to?
quently as Angelina Jolie adopts from other countries, Branum shared that his “I think I could help Beyoncé so much,” Branum explained. “She’s totally on top
happened off-camera in preparation for a show opener about the dangers of not of her game, but she just doesn’t have a personality. I feel like, with my teaching
wearing underpants. and possibly Heather helping, we can turn her into the actress we all know she can
But it still managed to be a close encounter of the anatomical kind. be.” “I love this girl, but we get it – Beyoncé,” Love echoed. “When she was on the
“I was on our office meeting room table in just a pair of tighty-whities,” he BET Awards singing ‘Ave Maria’ in a bathing suit, I was like, seriously, ‘Ave Maria,’ in a
described. “Chelsea wanted a different pose on me, so I swung myself around and bathing suit? So unnecessary.”
one of my balls came out! My boss saw my balls. That’s showbiz!” Guess that’s what happens when you let your mom dress you.
When pressed to give her writers a check plus/check minus evaluation, Handler Two out of three comedians agree that Beyoncé will never be the triple threat
showed that even when the cameras aren’t rolling that staffers need to be on their she wants to be—while McDonald felt that some of The Real Housewives (minus
toes. In the area of promptness, both received a check. the ones she has befriended, of course) “think they’re bigger shit than they are.”
“Heather always seems to hit some sort of traffic because she lives in San Ber- “Look ladies, you’re totally replaceable,” she expounded. “It’s like when you go
nardino, and Guy has sleep apnea because of his weight—so misses his alarm to a fast food restaurant, and you order Diet Coke, and they say, ‘Oh is Diet Pepsi al-
quite frequently.” right?’” But, one thing this trio definitely agrees on is that sitting down has proven
As far as their collective creativity is concerned, their boss gave them individual to be an effective method in their stand-up professions.
merits. Heather gets a check minus because she’s stuck in 1997,” she said. “And “Chelsea is doing so much for comedians,” Love proclaimed. “She is doing so
Guy gets a check plus, because he once ordered a guy on craigslist to clean his much for comedy—there’s not a show that provides every night where you can
floors, while Guy yelled at him naked.” The category of neatness and appearance see stand-ups who are actually on a panel. There’s no other show.”
garnered the McDonald/Branum team their lowest marks. Well, there have been a few Comedians of Chelsea Lately specials airing Friday
“Check double minus,” Handler wrote. “Heather has camel toe on most days and nights on E! The next one is scheduled for September 4 at 10:30 p.m.
50 RAGE monthly | september 2009
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