hollywood
by tim parks
queer factor: Fall TV Preview
Another batch of new TV shows are upon us, begging for our attention like so Samantha Who? and Dirty Sexy Money in favor of shows like Better Off Ted? Plus,
many hookers strutting their collective stuff on El Cajon Blvd. they shuffled Ugly Betty off to Friday nights this fall, after toying with the idea of
Before they ask you for a “date” and promise to “love you long time, G.I.” we need possibly canceling it last season!? Good day, sir or ma’am! I said good day!
to do a full body cavity search on them, and target exactly which ones offer the Guess what I am trying to say is that I hate growing attached to these extended
best, ahem, bang for your buck. But first it’s tangent time, oh boy! TV families only to have them ripped away from me.
I am starting to lose a wee bit of faith in Ok, let’s see who you’d want to invite into your car, err, home for a spell. And
ABC, they cancelled Pushing Daisies, check your own local listings for dates and times. Must I do everything?
the cW VaMPire Diaries
For not being able to withstand sunlight, vampires sure are enjoying the media
Melrose Place spotlight lately. Scream scribe Kevin Williamson bring us Diaries, which focuses
The most infamous apartment on a high school girl torn between two vampire brothers. Oh, to be young again.
complex in Los Angeles is back to house
more plot twists! Old faces (unless they had Botox, guess that’s Queer Factor: Finally, Ian Somerhalder (Boone from Lost) is back on TV and
why Heather Locklear opted out of this reboot) from that ’90s fave, like Thomas he’s purty.
Calabro, Laura Leighton and guest spots by Josie Bissett and Daphne Zuniga, Queer Detractor: Hopefully, this vampire show won’t suck and be lost
will meet the new kids on the block, including a possible lesbian character (Katie among the glut of suckers (of the blood variety) like Twilight and True Blood.
Cassidy).
My one problem with this update is that Leighton’s Sydney Andrews character The BeauTiful life
was killed off on the first incarnation. Then again, it is a soap opera. Pretty people with problems are the basis for this model-based series starring
Mischa Barton—guess she’ll be the Janice Dickinson of that group.
Queer Factor: Helloooo, it’s “Melrose Place,” and that equals drama with a
capital D. Queer Factor: Hmm, a show about models seems a stretch for gay audiences
Queer Detractor: If you become a fan of the new incarnation, you run the to like. I kid because I love.
risk of telling people you like a show with Ashlee Simpson on it! Just take a cue Queer Detractor: It starts in the fall, so if they model winter wear the show
from ole Mrs. Pete Wentz and say you need to dash and look for your old nose. could lose its guy candy appeal.
aBc
for young flesh. Shouldn’t she be
on Vampire Diaries?
easTwick
Queer Factor: Young flesh
This show is based upon the 1987
equals nubile type guys on
movie that starred Cher, Michelle
parade, go get ’em Courteney!
Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon as three
I’ll be there for you when the
witches who romance devilish Jack
rain starts to fall.
Nicholson. The TV version will star
Rebecca Romijn as one of three dumped
Queer Detractor: Was Demi Moore not
housewives who learns she has supernatural powers.
available to star on this? It’s not like she’s busy or anything. Besides,
Ashton Kutcher could have guest starred on the show – sans shirt, of course.
Queer Factor: Matt Dallas. Plus, the show is slated to have an entire musical
episode. Hmm, who would be a good possible guest star on that? That’s it, you
MoDern faMily
read my mind! Clay Aiken? Really… that’s what you read?! How about Cher?!
A mockumentary-style chronicle of the typical lives of the modern American
Reading really is fundamental!
family, starring former Married With Children patriarch Ed O’Neill. I’ll bet Christina
Queer Detractor: Guess this means Romijn will not be returning to
Applegate’s gonna be pissed at him!
Ugly Betty.
Queer Factor: The show has two of the few new gay characters on TV this
cougar Town
year.
Courteney Cox (she seems to have dropped the Arquette part of her surname –
Queer Detractor: Family also showcases a son whose backpack is his best
let me pick that up for ya, hon) stars as a recently divorced 40-year-old with a taste
friend –shouldn’t that be the queer son? We love our sacks, don’t cha know!
28 RAGE monthly | september 2009
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