and turned pro after retirement from wrestling. Did Booty Man...hell, just pick one really), but if you think
we even get video footage of "Hole In One"getting a about it, his fixation with the hair-cutting is so much
hole in one? I think not. creepier. Sure, when he started it out in 1987 it was
College
Professor.Yeah, we know Shane Douglas
about simple revenge for Adrian Adonis cutting his
was a smart guy and a teacher in real life, but when he
hair, but once Adonis was gone from the WWF it just
was introduced to WWF fans as Dean Douglas in 1995
turned WEIRD, man. What kind of mental trauma
we were supposed to believe that a major school
drives a guy to continue exacting revenge for a wrong
would actually endorse their Dean (presumably a
when the person who wronged him is DEAD? That’s
tenured faculty member at that) who was wrestling
just messed up. And why exactly did Beefcake get off
on the weekends and Monday nights. I don’t think
on cutting other men’s hair? It wasn’t like he was
that’s any school I’d want my kids going to.
doing it for any rational reason past a certain point,
but even worse he just got too into the whole deal.
Baseball Player.OK, admittedly the field is a little He was cutting up his clothes, running the
slim here with Abe "Knuckleball"Schwartz doing a Barbershop interview
segment...it was almost sexual
short stint in 1995 WWF as a parody of the baseball to him, seemingly. There’s gotta be a PhD thesis to
strike, but again Abe immediately fails the Mr. be built on this guy out there somewhere. I’m sure
Perfect test, as obviously Perfect is a much better there’s a name for people who have a hair-cutting
baseball player and is friends with Wade Boggs to fetish, but I’m not gonna be the guy to check Google
boot. Plus everyone knows that even low-level major and find out.
league players make millions of dollars more than
the average wrestler does, and would be forbidden
....aNd WHy EXaCTLy dId
from wrestling by Major League Baseball. And really,
BEEfCaKE GET Off ON
to be an effective baseball player he would have had
to increase his steroid intake by,
CuTTING OTHER mEN’S HaIR?
like, four times.
Spaceman.Did anyone ever bother to try
Barber.I suppose it might
explaining Max Moon? Like, was he supposed to be a
seem strange to pick on
human being who travelled to other planets between
Brutus Beefcake when
shows, or was he supposed to be an alien who
there’s so many more
journeyed to earth and got a WWF developmental
stupid gimmicks later in
deal? Never mind, either way this is making my head
his career
hurt just thinking about it.
(Zodiac,
NaSCaR
driver.Yeah, you knew I was gonna
bring up Bob Holly at some point. See, he loved racing
so much that his name was Sparky Plugg! If he was
such a successful racer (and again I must bring up
the Mr. Perfect test - would said person be better at
their sport than Mr. Perfect? I think not) why was he
bothering to spend his time toiling in the midcard
of the WWF? Now if he drove down to the ring
and ran his opponent over in his racecar,
that’d be impressive.
magician.Oh no, it’s the Black Scorpion!
He’s going to make an audience plant
disappear to strike fear into the heart of
Sting and the fans! Oh no, it’s Papa Shango,
he’s going to make a jobber vomit up black
stuff to strike fear into the heart of the
25 The online magazine for pro wrestling fans worldwide
thewrestlingpress.com
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