dentist.Long before he found success as the evil they could conceivably be better at their sport than
brother of the Undertaker, Glen Jacobs was of course Mr. Perfect would be. The Goon fails that test, for sure.
Dr. Isaac Yankem DDS, the evil dentist of Jerry
Garbageman.One word: Unions. You think Vince
Lawler. Now I’m not going to get into the
McMahon would ever allow unionized labor within
psychological theory behind the gimmick, as people
100 feet of his "independent contractors"? No wonder
have a natural fear and/or dislike of dentists and it’s
Duke "The Dumpster" Droese didn’t stick around long.
not the worst idea in the world. However, you have to
Vince probably had him sent to the same place
wonder why someone as well paid as a
Jimmy Hoffa is.
dentist would have to resort to
wrestling in order to supplement his
Super-hero.Sure, The Hurricane was a goofy idea
income?
even after the success of superhero movies in the
2000s, but at least it was tied into a hot trend. No,
ultimate fighter.See, wrestling what I’m looking at here is WCW in the early 90s,
is fake, but Ken Shamrock is a REAL which produced Brad Armstrong as generic spider-
fighter who competes in fake
themed hero Arachniman and the late Art Barr as the
wrestling by fighting for real. I think. I
Juicer. We can probably even throw futuristic Lazor-
never really got how they
Tron from 1987 into the lame-o superhero mix
reconciled guys like
as well. It was never clear if Arachniman
Shamrock and Dan Severn
was just Brad Armstrong acting like a
without making wrestling
superhero caricature, or if it was a
sound even more
situation like Shane Helms where
ridiculous than it
he actually believed himself to be
already is.
a super-powered being. The
question being, what advantage
Hockey Player. did shooting fake webbing give
Cross-training
Arachniman over the other
athletes are nothing
wrestlers in WCW? It
special, of course.
certainly wasn’t a matter of
Many wrestlers come
intimidation because let’s
from a football
face it, a guy in a purple
background and
bodysuit who sprayed silly
play other
KEN SHamROCK IS a REaL
string on you wouldn’t exactly
sports in their fIGHTER WHO COmPETES
provoke images of masculinity. Perhaps
spare time.
Brad was bitten by a steroid-filled spider
IN faKE WRESTLING By and gained the proportional workrate of an
But The Goon
was so intent
fIGHTING fOR REaL....
arachnid as a result. And speaking of silly
string, WCW’s other crack at superheroics
on people knowing
featured Art Barr ripping off popular movie
that he was a hockey player that he actually wore
Beetlejuice in the form of the Juicer, who also shot silly
boots shaped like foam skates into the ring. Was
string at fans and opponents as his big heroic gesture.
there supposed to be an advantage inherent in I guess you can at least make a case with the Juicer
wearing those boots? And wouldn’t the jersey make it that they were trying to cash in on a hot movie, but
easy for opponents to wrap him up in a submission Arachniman is just senseless given that Spider-Man
hold? Didn’t the age of judo gis in UFC teach us was a decade away from hitting the big screen at the
ANYTHING? Plus if there’s anything we’ve learned
time.
from wrestling, it’s that Mr. Perfect was better at all
Pro Golfer.There’s so many things to pick on Barry
sports than everyone else anyway. Anyone in this list
Darsow about, but he not only fails the Mr. Perfect
who is supposed to be an athlete in another sport
test as "Hole in One"Barry Darsow, he fails the Larry
should be given the Mr. Perfect Test, where you ask if
Zbyszko test! Larry actually is quite a good golfer
24 The online magazine for pro wrestling fans worldwide thewrestlingpress.com
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