p82 Postcards passed:p82 Postcards passed 18/12/2008 10:10 Page 82
POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE
Why paddle
your own
canoe?
Paul
www.bgdf.co.uk
Stephenson
Printwear
Self-employment – a licence to print money or a
&
hiding to nothing? Paul Stephenson weighs up the
Promotion
pros and the cons of running your own business
W
e’ve enjoyed the prawn cocktail or the use fifty quid notes to light cigars the size of a briefcase and a
melon balls, the steak and the crinkle happy donkey’s dangler? My last pay slip resembled ten-gallon hat:
chips; unsure of which part of the chicken an entry in the Doomsday book…. ‘It is hereby “Tell my PA to bring me the
they come from we may have avoided the goujons, henceforth and forsooth agreed, that Master FT, then FO, ASAP, and bring me a cup of lap sang
but the black forest gateau is a must for all but the Stephenson, head swineherd of the village of Bad doo dong.”
most adventurous…there is however, always one… Breath, shall receive the sum of one turnip, a packet Nice idea, but as we all know, isn’t self
“To hell with it, they don’t call me Maverick of fleas, and a small bucket of dung’. employment about swapping one boss for five
down at the golf club for nothing; I’m having the So unless you enjoy being insulted by Theo hundred, called customers – and although we can
profiteroles, with extra cream.” Smellyfeetus and his mates, why climb the stairs technically tell any of them to go and boil their
“Oooh Jerry you are a caution,” agree the towards self employment? maracas at any time, we don’t do we? We smile
chattering gastronomes. Because you’ll be your own boss of course. No and say: “You’re quite right Madam, if brains were
Only the Irish coffee remains, at which point more the supervisor’s gravy stained Dennis the dynamite I probably wouldn’t have enough to blow
Jerry, Head of Backing out the Vans at the paper Menace tie on your shoulder, as he leans over in a my hat off. Thank you so much for your valued
clip factory has a great idea. cloud of Kouros. You’ll come and go as you please feedback.” And flicking the ‘V’s at the phone while
“You’re self employed Paul, it must be a license in shoulder pads and crocodile loafers, with a you’re saying this, does not count as a victory.
to print money – the Irish coffees are on you I monogrammed Once self employed of course, you’ll be spending
reckon. In fact, with the kind of wedge you boys are your days in curled silk slippers being fed Turkish
on, flaming Sambuccas all round… Manuel!” Delight by a eunuch – you will be loaded… right?
Please God, don’t just let the flame ignite We’ve already mentioned this, but even if it were
Jerry’s ludicrous porn star moustache, may it true, there is the additional dimension of
react violently with whatever chemicals are predictable income. We all have bad weeks;
in Just for Men, engulfing his chest hair in we will all at some time be sent for a
a biblical conflagration that few shall bucket of steam and a long wait,
survive. And when the fire brigade some elbow grease, a tin of tartan
arrive let Patrick Swayze be the paint and a box of sky hooks.
chief, and may he turn to me Come Friday night we will
and say: “So, it’s just Jerry left corner our significant others
in the building right…I’m with tales of weekly woe
not going to risk scuffing and foreboding, until the
my helmet for that sound of snoring and the
toss pot.” visible drool remind us
It’s been the of how interesting we
same since time really are.
began, even as far But if you’re self
back as when employed you can add to this the possible
orange juice was amusement that at the end of a bad week, two
considered a starter. But will the grand has just vanished from your bank
assumption ever change – that the self employed
Being self-employed is a licence to print money,
right? Wrong, says Stephenson
account - a customer’s gone bust, you’ve been sued
| 82 | January 2009
www.printwearandpromotion.co.uk
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