This week, the definitive E3 game to help while way your time in LA, a look a past expos, and the start of our fantasy World Cup...
Get your dabbers ready and keep
your ears open for these key phrases. The prize? Our permission to roll your eyes at our industry...
“We’re showing positive
year on year growth” Most likely to be heard during the inevitable Nintendo powerpoint presentation. Translation: ‘We’re rolling in it’
“The year of the Xbox” Most likely to be heard during the Microsoft press conference. Translation: ‘All eyes on us, please. Ignore those other blokes. This is where it’s at. Aw yeah’
“Third-parties can succeed on our platform”
Most likely to be heard as Nintendo once again tries to dismiss accusations of first-party dominance on Wii and DS. Translation: ‘Thank fuck for Just Dance’
“The year of the PlayStation” Most likely to be heard during the Sony press conference. Translation: ‘We’re going to have a good year, honest. No, seriously, we mean it this time. No, wait, come back’
“This is an innovative premise
based on disruptive technology” Most likely to be heard during product reveals. Translation: ‘We’re trying to do something different, we’re not sure how it’ll fit at retail, and we’re utterly, utterly boned if this flops’
“New and/or unique functionality”
Most likely to be heard during the unveiling of 3DS, Natal and Move. Translation: ‘Look, our new console, peripheral or other macguffin does something that not many other products do’
“Social gaming” Most likely to be heard in reference to more casual or browser games. Translation: ‘Because since FarmVille made a packet out of millions of unsuspecting receptionists, it’s all about Facebook and the like’
“Going forwards”
Most likely to be heard during a publisher or platform holder press conference. Translation: ‘Something we’re thinking about doing in two or three years’ time but probably won’t bother with’
“In stunning 3D” Most likely to be heard from Sony, Nintendo and any other company with a hand in 3D tech. Translation: ‘It’s like the 3D we’ve already got, but we’re actually trying to make it exciting this time’
“Woohoo/Yeeeeeeaaah/ Yeehaw, etc”
Most likely to be heard during the Big Three’s press conferences from fanboys: ‘This is all rather exciting, isn’t it?’
“Content that will bring added value to the consumer”
Most likely to be heard in reference to DLC or digital-only titles. Translation: ‘We can’t be arsed to be put this on the disc, so we’re going to charge you for the download later’
“Next generation” Most likely to be heard during product reveals. Translation: ‘Not the Wii’
“I’m actually an
actress/singer/dancer” Most likely to be heard from a booth babe on the show floor. Translation: ‘My face is up here’/’There’s more to me than short shorts’/’I’m a real person’/’Security! Help!’
“We’re expanding our audience”
Most likely to be heard during the Big Three’s press conferences. Translation: ‘Gamers are spending sod all, so we’re aiming for mums and old people’
“This is a game changer” Most likely to be heard during some of the most ambitious (read: oversold) product reveals. Translation: ‘This is a game’
“You won’t see this anywhere else
on any other system” Most likely to be heard during product reveals. Translation: ‘We were there first, honest. Even though everyone else will be doing this in a month’s time’
“Cutting edge”
Most likely to be heard during product reveals. Translation: ‘It’s not only new, it’s newer than any other new thing before it. Well, new-ish’
“We've listened to our
community” Most likely to be heard in reference to sequels or franchise reboots. Translation: ‘The forum nerds fucking hated it’
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