DERNIER MOT ❘ THE LAST WORD


IT’S ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOU POTTY Kristin and her family are peed off by strangers using their garden as a toilet


U


BY KRISTIN ESPINASSE


n atout, or advantage, of three generations living under one roof is we help each other out – la reciprocité, as my college anthropology professor called it. My mom, Jules, waters the garden, my husband is Monsieur Fix-it (he calls me La Fée du Logis, for my cleaning/house care), our daughter Jackie, 24, does the grocery shopping, and our son, Max, 27, is our logistics expert, alerting us when our logis is in need of repair. And how could I forget our golden retriever Smokey! At 13, he still patrols the yard, barking when strangers approach. Recently, following Smokey’s aboiements, Max noticed a wee souci in front of our home: Incredibly, a man was peeing on our leafy hedges! “Mais! Qu’est-ce que tu fais là?” Max demanded. Caught en flagrant délit, the stranger laughed:


“J’arrose les plantes.” Then, he zipped his pants and sauntered off with his cohorts.


Kristin and her family find le pipi sauvage to be a problem they cannot tolerate; Smokey the dog relaxes after a security patrol of the garden’s perimeters


“And what if I came over to your house and ‘watered’ your plants?” Max shouted, his words amounting to a shake of the fist. “Allez! Casse-toi!” Not three days later, Jean-Marc, having repaired our clothesline, was relaxing in a lawn chair when over his shoulder he heard un ruissellement… only this time it wasn’t Grandma watering the


“JEAN-MARC, HAVING REPAIRED OUR CLOTHESLINE, WAS RELAXING IN A LAWN CHAIR WHEN OVER HIS SHOULDER HE HEARD UN RUISSELLEMENT”


oleanders! But for the thick leafy barrier between him and the urinator, my husband would have been soaked. Angry as he was, it was no use spouting out. It wouldn’t stop the next guy from “watering” our garden. In fact, outdoor miction is so common in France,


there’s even a term for it: le pipi sauvage. Wild tinkling can be a real problem, especially in cities: it’s smelly, it soils the streets, and it’s not charming to see it in action. The city of Paris has come up with a few creative solutions, including the uritrottoir (giant sidewalk flower pots which turn pipi into compost) – but for many Parisians this is not a satisfactory answer.


WALLS THAT PEE BACK Maybe Paris could take a hint from San Francisco or Hamburg, where a special peinture anti-pipi is deterring folks from wetting the walls: at the moment of contact, the urine ricochets back! It’s not a powerful spray (it boomerangs near the feet) but it certainly turns the tables: c’est l’arroseur arrosé!, as my husband says. I wonder if that magic paint comes in spray form? Next time our daughter goes shopping I’ll have her search for it. We’ll see if Mr. Fixit and our logistics expert, Max, can pee-proof our property’s perimeter. If all else fails, we’ll put Grandma on duty. She’ll blow the vandals away with her hose and the help of our robinet. FT  Kristin Espinasse is the author of Words in a French Life, Blossoming in Provence and the French Word-A-Day blog


FRENCH VOCABULARY UN ATOUT = a perk, benefit LE LOGIS = dwelling, abode LA FÉE DU LOGIS = “the perfect housewife” (the one who does the chores…) UN ABOIEMENT = barking LE SOUCI = worry MAIS, QU’EST-CE QUE TU FAIS LÀ? = Just what are you doing there? J’ARROSE LES PLANTES = I’m watering the plants PRENDRE EN FLAGRANT DÉLIT = caught in the act, red-handed ALLEZ! CASSE-TOI! = Go on! Get out of here! UN RUISSELLEMENT = streaming, flow LA MICTION = urination URITROTTOIR (URINER + TROTTOIR) = urinate + sidewalk C’EST L’ARROSEUR ARROSÉ = it’s the sprinkler that is sprinkled LE ROBINET = tap, water faucet


146 ❘ FRANCE TODAY Aug/Sep 2022


IMAGES © KRISTIN ESPINASSE


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100  |  Page 101  |  Page 102  |  Page 103  |  Page 104  |  Page 105  |  Page 106  |  Page 107  |  Page 108  |  Page 109  |  Page 110  |  Page 111  |  Page 112  |  Page 113  |  Page 114  |  Page 115  |  Page 116  |  Page 117  |  Page 118  |  Page 119  |  Page 120  |  Page 121  |  Page 122  |  Page 123  |  Page 124  |  Page 125  |  Page 126  |  Page 127  |  Page 128  |  Page 129  |  Page 130  |  Page 131  |  Page 132  |  Page 133  |  Page 134  |  Page 135  |  Page 136  |  Page 137  |  Page 138  |  Page 139  |  Page 140  |  Page 141  |  Page 142  |  Page 143  |  Page 144  |  Page 145  |  Page 146  |  Page 147  |  Page 148