FAMILY
Breaking down the stigma of
men’s mental health
THE FIRST RULE ABOUT ANDY’S MAN CLUB IS IT’S OK TO TALK AT ANDY’S MAN CLUB.
SIMPLY PUT, THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT.
There are no bare-knuckled, bare-chested bouts. Instead, Andy’s Man Club is a safe place where men don’t have to battle to be heard or listened to, but where they can join the fight against reducing the rate of mental illness, depression and suicide in men.
Andy’s Man Club is a male-only peer support group that was set up in 2016 by former Leeds Rhinos rugby player, Luke Ambler, who lost his brother-in-law, Andy Roberts, to suicide. Luke wanted to prevent another family from going through the trauma, confusion, anger and devastation of burying their son, brother, father or uncle because they felt like they couldn’t – or shouldn’t – talk. Yes, some men like to escape to the pub for a pint or two or blow off some steam on a lads’ night out. But how many put aside the banter to candidly open up to their friends over a lager? Men may mock women for having their girls’ nights in with eight bottles of prosecco, Gloria Gaynor blaring out while they sit around denouncing their better halves and putting the world to rights. But the Rotherham facilitator of Andy’s Man Club, Jason Darbyshire, says women have got it right when it comes to talking and men should follow suit.
Apologies if this may seem like generalising and of course there are those who do, but, typically, most men don’t talk about pain, or grief, or problems in life for a number of personal reasons.
Maybe they don’t talk because they don’t want to burden anyone with their issues when they think they should be holding the family together. Perhaps they don’t want to show weakness when
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they’ve been brought up with the perception that men are strong and don’t cry. Sometimes they’re embarrassed or they may not even know how to put their feelings into words.
‘‘Elaine knew that if Andy had somewhere to go or someone to talk to, her son would still be here. With the simple ethos to save just one other life, she and Luke set up a coffee club for men in Halifax in Andy’s name’’
But while ever men don’t talk and continue to shut away that voice in their head, their mental health continues to be neglected, sometimes leading to catastrophic extremes.
Andy Roberts was just 23 when he took his own life. He was a devoted father, loving son, and had a group of friends he was going on holiday with. One Monday he went to work as normal, saw his mum Elaine, then decided to end his life that night.
His death left a black hole in the family that affected them all deeply, their grief marred with guilt. Had they missed the warning signs? Could they have done anything differently to stop him feeling like the world would be better off without him in it?
Elaine knew that if Andy had somewhere to go or someone to talk to, her son would still be
here. With the simple ethos to save just one other life, she and Luke set up a coffee club for men in Halifax in Andy’s name.
Nine men attended the first meeting in 2016, with Luke setting a goal to have ten clubs in five years. But Andy’s Man Club has quickly gained momentum to now have 28 clubs across the UK, from Perth to Paignton.
Each club meets at the same time each week, 7pm on a Monday night – the same time Andy took his life. They meet in everywhere from community centres to fire stations and football stadiums.
A club was started in Rotherham last December at The Centre in Brinsworth which is led by Jason and fellow facilitator and quickly a weekly attendance of up to 29 men. However, due to Covid, the meetings have since had to
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