ARTICLE The Relaxation That Can Come From
Conscious Touch by Rose Rouse
Whenever I’ve had an argument with my partner, I know that everything – all those judgments, fears and closing downs – can change with a cuddle. I often ask if we can have a cuddle at these times because I know that we can simply melt together when we touch and connect in this way. Often I just sigh and feel my heart opening and everything is suddenly different. It really is simple if you can actually allow yourselves to do it.
One place that I learnt – it certainly didn’t come from my parents although I take touch to my 90 year old mum who has Alzheimer’s and she loves it whether a hand massage or simple loving touch, I always hold hands with her these days – about this kind of non-sexual touch was through Jan Day’s workshops. Of course, I also learnt more about sexual touch with her as well, and how bound- aries can be instigated which create the space for touch that you really want and know that you want.
“A lot of the work we do in, for instance, my New Year workshop Passion, Power and Love (Dec 28th to Jan 2nd 2018) explores touch and our need for it, and getting clear about what we want and need. Often men and women haven’t actually had the opportunity to experiment with boundaries in this way so it’s very valuable as a tool of learning,” she says. “Conscious touch creates such a great relaxation in the body and soul, participants often haven’t experienced this depth of connection.”
Men, for instance, might not be familiar with simple loving touch in this Conscious way, and once they discover it, they can be liberated from that sense of having to perform sexually all the time, and simply surrender to the experience in that moment. “We know intuitively how important touch is,” says Jan, “if a child is hurt we touch them where it hurts. But it isn’t just when we’re in pain that we need touch. This kind of simple touch transmits a sense of well-being, of being loved, cared for and included. And we all need that. We are not solitary animals.”
Touch is still taboo in Britain, we’re not relaxed around it. Even if there is more kissing on the cheeks rather than shaking hands! We may not have had touch when we were growing up, or we may have had inappropriate touch at some time. “Most of us haven’t been taught to truly listen to ourselves around touch and we don’t know how to communicate around it,” she says. “I do a lot of exercises around giving and receiving non-sexual touch so that participants understand what they want and are comfortable with. I also do work around saying No so that people learn what Yes means.”
South West Connection - August / November 2017 35
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