again. I control my happiness. So I choose to be happy :)”
Friend: “That’s so awesome :) Very few people are like that and I think it’s cool you have such a great out- look. You’re not like most people.”
Kolbi: “I’m glad you think so be- cause I try very hard not to be like the stereotypical society. I want to be an example. An example of em- pathy, understanding, compassion, unconditional love, and acceptance of everyone for who they are even if it goes against your beliefs.”
Friend: “So did anything make you want to be like this or does it just make sense to you?”
Kolbi: “After my dad died, I was ex- tremely angry all of the time. I hated everyone and everything. I lost most of my friends and I pushed my family away. My daddy was my everything. And one day my mom asked why I was so angry and I told her I hated my life, etc. And instead of yelling back she said, ‘I’m sorry you’re hurt- ing. I love you and I know you’re in a lot of pain,’ and I busted out crying and just let her hold me and rock me for hours. From that day forward I realized how angry I was and behind anger is sadness and I didn’t want to be angry anymore. When I made that choice, I decided to change my outlook entirely. That year I started to step out of the regular society. I stood up for everyone who was picked on, literally getting into bullies’ faces during class, and then more and more people came to me with their problems because I would always listen and help. So it made me realize even more that every- one has their own problems even though you can’t always see them. I
don’t know. I just kept growing and getting wiser about people till the point where I now understand why bullies bully, because they, too, are hurting. And don’t get me wrong, I went in and out of my depression, but I always kept my chin up and instead of resisting help, I asked for it. I knew my dad would want me to be happy and keep living my life, so I chose to. I always strive to be happy and to put myself in others’ shoes. Plus, I have a very wise mom who her whole life and work is based on healing, compassion, love, etc. I’m almost her ‘mini me’ but with differ- ent opinions on some things.”
Friend: “Thank you so much for telling me all that :) That’s a helluva story and I’m glad you became a better person because of that. You seem like a very strong person be- cause very few people could handle that so well. And seriously, thank you for telling me that. Means a ton to me that you are comfortable enough to tell me that. You’re a very special person, Kolbi.”
Kolbi: “Thank you. Yeah, I didn’t want to be angry. I’m not an angry person. And I’m always willing to share. I love to spread my insight be- cause maybe it can help someone.”
If you are like me, you are probably thinking, “Wow! That’s amazing that an 18-year-old girl, who has gone through so much, can be so strong.” And that’s why I’m tooting my own horn.
I’m telling you this story because I know without a doubt that my example of healing over the years helped Kolbi make a choice to heal and be happy. She took responsi- bility for herself. Plus, if I had not
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cleaned up my own pain that was buried beneath anger, I would have struggled with Kolbi’s lashing out. I know I wouldn’t have ALLOWED her to work through her healing pro- cess. I would have been so caught up in fear for her that I would have only created friction between the two of us. But by making a decision to heal years ago, parenting and lov- ing myself, I became a more loving mom to my kids. THIS is spiritual parenting.
We can’t save our children from life’s hardships, but we can be an example of kindness, compassion and love. We do this by healing ourselves first. As we do, we allow our children to expand and grow with love, just like Kolbi did. My little butterfly didn’t die. She went back into the cocoon to grow wiser and stronger!
Thoughts for Your Journey
What kind of example are you set- ting for your family right now? What choice can you make today to create more happiness and healing?
Terri Amos-Britt is a spiritual coach, motivational speaker, and relation- ship expert. She is the author of the award winning book, The Enlight- ened Mom: A Mother’s Guide for Bringing Peace, Love & Light to Your Family’s Life, and is the founder of
www.TheEnlightenedMom.com, a free global healing community for moms. To get Terri’s book and its companion meditations, go to www.
TheEnlightenedMom.com/book.
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