think good people do? Are you following these values? It is dif- ficult to feel good about yourself if you are living in a way that goes against your underlying values. It is important to examine your values and either live by them or change them.
Self-respect means
coming from your power, not your weakness.
When you complain that someone or something is making you sad or angry, ask yourself, “Why am I choosing to experience that feel- ing or to react in that way?” Blam- ing others will always take away your power. If you can discover why you are choosing to feel hurt by other people’s actions, you will learn much about yourself. Some of you are afraid that if you stand up for yourself, you will lose someone’s love. Some people are quite good at convinc- ing you that you are in the wrong when you do stand up for your beliefs. Thank them silently for providing you with the opportu- nity to become strong, for often strength is developed in the face of opposition. Self-respect means standing by your deepest truth and knowing your innermost feel- ings. It means making yourself and not another the authority of your feelings.
Some of you live or associate with people who belittle you and make you feel bad. You can end up focusing so much on their feel- ings that you lose track of your own. A woman was married to a man who constantly criticized
many of her actions. She became so focused on his feelings that she never asked herself during all the years they were together how she felt about the way he treated her. She was always try- ing hard to please him, trying to anticipate his moods and whims in order to avoid his criticism. Yet everything she tried ended with him being angry or irritated at her. She began to feel she had failed or was in some way a bad person. She spent so many hours analyz- ing his feelings that she lost touch with her own. Many of you try to please people, and as you try to please them, you focus more on how they feel than how you feel.
Self-worth means paying atten- tion to how you feel. You do not need reasons why you choose to do something. You do not need to prove anything to another person about your worth. Validate your feelings; do not analyze and question them. Do not go over and over them, asking, “Do I really have a reason to feel hurt?” Let your feelings be real for you and honor them. Many of you make other people the authority of what is good for you. When they say you are bad, you believe them. When they say things are your fault, you believe them. I am not suggesting that you ignore what other people say, either, but instead honor what you feel. It is one thing to be open to con- structive criticism and another to constantly try to do what others want you to do when you do not want it for yourself. Creating self- esteem and self-worth involves honoring your own feelings and
aspiremag.net
path and direction. It means hon- oring yourself with your words, actions, and behavior.
Self-esteem means believing in yourself, knowing that you did the best you knew how, even though two days later you might see a better way. It involves making yourself right rather than wrong and allowing yourself to feel good about who you are. Some of you try very hard all the time, pushing yourselves, rushing around and feeling that whatever you do, it is not enough. Trying and working hard to get things done is not necessarily the road to joy. Respect yourself by fol- lowing your inner flow. Rest, play, think, and take time to be silent. Doing those things that nurture yourself are ways to increase your self-esteem.
Sanaya Roman, the author of Living with Joy, has channeled Orin for many years. Her books of his teach- ings have become perennial bestsell- ers. Visit her online atwww.orindaben. com. Excerpted from the book Living with Joy. © 2011 by Sanaya Ro- man. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. www.
newworldlibrary.com
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