Lots of eight enders scored this season, and seasons past

T e Harvey rink scored an eight-ender on Jan. 14, 2017, during the fi rst

end of a game in the competitive division of the Eveleth-Mt. Iron Lions Club Junior Bonspiel at Curl Mesabi (Minn.). Team members include Aus- tin Harvey, Bryce Wainio, Cori Ringsred, and Maggie Peterson. An eight-ender was scored by the Teschendorf rink of the Madison Curl-

ing Club (Wis.) during the second end of men’s league on Feb. 19, 2017. Team members include Kevin Teschendorf, Chris Sorenson, Zach Kerwin, and Marc Nielsen. T is happens to be Chris Sorenson’s second eight-ender in just over a year. On Jan. 27, 2017, the Roth rink scored an eight-ender during the sixth end

of their game against Brazil’s Aline Goncalves rink during the America’s Challenge held at the Duluth (Minn.) Curling Club. T e Roth rink consists of Nina Roth, Tabitha Peterson, Aileen Geving, and Becca Hamilton. From the archives comes this eight-ender scored back in 2007 by the

Chebetar rink of Ardsley (N.Y.) Curling Club. Team members include Adam Chebetar, Tom Doherty, George Fletcher and Zachary Fletcher. T e Delaney rink scored an eight-ender on Nov. 18, 2014, during the sixth

end of league play at the Centerville (Wis.) Curling Club. Team members include Lynita Delaney, Laura Roessler, Katie Johnson, and Sue Ryder. T is was Sue’s fi rst year curling since high school! An eight-ender was scored by the Seebart rink during the fi ſt h end of

league play at the St. Paul Curling Club on March 14, 2017. Team members include Marcia Seebart, Maureen Guay, Marlene Dehm, and Nanci Yerma- koff . All four curlers are members of the Arden Hills Cairn Lassies Club who curl Tuesday mornings at the St. Paul Curling Club. T e Cousins rink (with just three of their team members present) scored

an eight-ender during league play at the Broomstones Curling Club on Oct. 27, 2016. T e rink consists of Karyn Cousins, Garland Kincaid and Yiji Starr. T e Persinger rink scored an eight-ender at 2 a.m. on April 9 during the Annual Fairbanks International Bonspiel. It is estimated that this


group of long time curlers may have 200+ years of combined experience! Team members include Ken Persinger, Dave Hufman, Tony Johansen, Lar- ry Meath, and Ken Persinger. A stone that at fi rst seemed to be laid mistakenly turned out to be in per-

fect position for the Rooney rink to score this eight-ender on March 8, 2017, during the fi rst end of their league championship game at the Vikingland (Minn.) Curling Club. T e team, made up of two father/son duos, includes Dan Rooney, Aaron Rooney, Brian Storhaug, and Mark Storhaug. On Dec. 3, 2016, the Osterhaus rink scored an eight-ender during the

Southern Conference High School Varsity Open Bonspiel held at the Por- tage (Wis.) Curling Club. T e eight-ender was scored in the fi nal end, with- out the hammer. Team members include Kaden Osterhaus, Kayla Guenther, Maddie Cook, Adam Katze and DaKotah Crotty. T is was Katze’s second eight-ender in less than 12 months! An eight-ender was scored by the Smith rink of the Milwaukee (Wis.)

Curling Club during the Chicago Gloamin’ Gaels Women’s Bonspiel on Jan. 8, 2017. T is happens to be the second year in a row that a team from Milwaukee scored an eight-ender at this bonspiel. Coincidentally enough, it was also scored on the very same sheet! Team members include Kristin Smith, Margie Knitter, Kate Wolter and Kathy Geracie. Q

Top 10 More Bonus Tips for Curlers in the Coming Zombie Apocalypse

10] If you happen upon a curling club that has zombie Kevin

Martin, zombie Jennifer Jones, zombie Glenn Howard, and zombie Rachel Homan all proudly on display inside a cage in the interior lobby, you might want to consider moving on to a diff erent facility. 9] If just a small handful of the “undead” congregate behind

the glass during your game, you are probably safe to continue playing— under normal circumstances, it usually requires the combined pressure from more than a d ozen zombies in order to shatter your average T ermopane window. 8] Opt to play front end whenever possible— not only will the

sweeping get you in better shape to run away from zombies, but the constant movement up and down the sheet will make you less of a target. 7] If you use a stabilizer, be sure to attach a bayonet or some

other sharp instrument on the end— that way you can more easily transition from “delivering stones” to “delivering blows” as the situation dictates. 6] When choosing a fi ſt h player, try to fi nd someone who

is uncoordinated and slow afoot— the zombies will naturally choose to feast on that player fi rst and therefore give the re- mainder of the team ample time to get away. 5] Ringing the ice fi eld with barbed wire and other anti-zom-

bie obstacles is always a good idea, but take extra care not to wind up getting ensnared in one of these devices in your haste to take a quick bathroom break between ends. 4] Always throw upweight hits when trying to knock over an

approaching member of the undead— even if you miss, the re- sulting ricochet off the boards may strike a nearby zombie and create suffi cient enough collateral damage that would still earn you suffi cient statistical credit for a “half shot.” 3] “Pet zombies” should never be allowed inside the actual

clubhouse, no matter how well-chained, manacled, de-armed, or de-jawed they might be. 2] Wearing tactical riot gear while throwing stones may make

the delivery process a bit more awkward, but any negative im- pact it may have on shotmaking percentages will be more than off set by the positive impact it can have on survival percentages. 1] Stacking zombie remains neatly on the backboards or

sideboards within your ice house has two advantages— fi rst, it will allow you to continue to play on without interruption, and second, the cold temperatures will delay the further decay of the rotting cadavers until you have suffi cient time to dispose of them properly.

rocket exhaust A column by Richard Maskel

USA Curling (( 29

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