and private organizations to fi nd the gaps in providing support following the loss of a loved one who served in the armed forces. With a vision to provide peer-based emotional sup- port and bring healing through ther- apeutic recreation, TAPS was born. TAPS hosts an average of 20
retreats a year, both stateside and abroad, that often involve vigorous physical challenges. These events serve to connect survivors who have suffered losses, from widows and widowers to siblings, parents, and children. “The retreats off er an opportunity for survivors to step outside their comfort zone and incorporate honor- ing their loved one into the experi- ence,” Carroll explains, “and it allows them to say, ‘Wow. I’ve overcome this challenge and have become a diff er- ent person because of it.’ ” While some retreats involve jour- naling and refl ective art classes, oth- ers are expeditions that include rock climbing and white water rafting. “Some people may not want to sit
around in a circle and talk to people for therapy,” Carroll says. “But they can go out and run 26 miles and fi nd support in that community. We ap- proach it from every diff erent angle.” Retreats typically are less than a
week long, begin with a group ice- breaker, and continue with group activities. Roommates within each group are assigned in advance by TAPS’ coordinators, who take into consideration similarities between the people they pair up. Kat Stanley says her assigned
roommate, now one of her best friends, gave her the strength to par- ticipate in her fi rst retreat. “When I got to the hotel, I thought about telling everyone I was sick and then just not leaving the room,” Stanley says. Coping with the recent loss of her brother, Stanley says she was able to quickly relate to her roommate, who also had expe-
ACC basketball tournament mascots play basketball and meet with TAPS participants at Joint Base Myer-Henderson Hall, Va., in March.
rienced a loss in her family and was from her hometown of Austin, Texas. Bonding through shared experi- ences with her roommate and others during the retreat allowed Stanley to fi nd hope and support. “One minute we were honoring and
crying, the next we were laughing,” she recalls. “There was more healing than I could have ever imagined. The people you meet during these retreats will be the type you’ll be forever call- ing, texting, and emailing.” Now retreat coordinator for
TAPS, Stanley says she hopes survi- vors feel understood and know they have a safe place to share and honor their loved ones. “When you go through that expe-
rience, it really does create a bond, like having a battle buddy,” Carroll says. “Out of these retreats, people come back and pay it forward as peer mentors.” For Erin Jacobson, who now
serves as director of programs for TAPS, she found comfort during a retreat where she fi rst met Carroll. Overwhelmed by emotion during a session, Jacobson suddenly left the activity. Though they had never met, Carroll followed her to the next room to comfort her and listen to her story. “She just sat there like I was the most important person,” Jacobson
PHOTOS: ABOVE, NELL KING/JOINT BASE MYER-HENDERSON HALL; FACING PAGE, ALL COURTESY TAPS EXCEPT FIRST ROW RIGHT, COURTESY CAROLINA PANTHERS; SECOND ROW LEFT AND BOTTOM ROW LEFT, EJ HERSOM/DOD; THIRD ROW RIGHT, COURTESY NEW YORK YANKEES; BOTTOM ROW MIDDLE, JIM VARHEGYI/USAF
says. “That’s just who Bonnie is. She loves serving survivors, and she’ll do anything that needs to get done, whether that’s folding T-shirts or speaking at the White House. I wouldn’t have guessed at that mo- ment during the retreat she would end up being such a close person in my life, and I feel very blessed.” A breakthrough in healing hap- pened for Jacobson when she ran the Marine Corps Marathon. She had trained for months in preparation with her friend Kyle, a fellow survi- vor who had lost her fi ancé the same year Jacobson had. “There was a moment halfway
through the course that I didn’t think I could do it,” Jacobson says, “but I wanted to continue and honor Jason [her fi ancé].” When Jacobson wasn’t sure about
her own strength to continue, her friend Kyle lagged behind to fi nd her. “She reached for my hand and
told me, ‘I’m not leaving you. We’re doing this together.’ And then it hit me, that this is what it’s about. We may have diff erent paces or be on separate journeys, but we’re all here for each other.”
MO
— Emily O’Neill is a fi rst lieutenant in the New Hampshire Army National Guard. This is her fi rst feature article for Military Offi cer.
MAY 2016 MILITARY OFFICER 55
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