rying about the day-to-day details of caregiving that can consume parents.” She explores such ideas in her book This is Getting Old: Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor and Dignity. Being past their working years,
grandparents are often more accepting and peaceful themselves, which can be inspiring for younger generations, adds Salem. For Moon, it’s vital to be mindful of the image of aging that’s projected; “I try to model that old age isn’t tragic, and show the joy in this stage of life,” she says. Yet grandparents also should be
mindful of any physical limitations and set boundaries with grandkids as needed. “It’s okay to say, ‘I can’t hang on the jungle gym with you,’ and suggest an alternative,” says Moon. Good relationships with the
grandkids begin with maintaining open relationships with their parents, experts note. To do this, consistently engage in compassionate listening. “It can be tempting for grandparents that know what may have worked in raising their own children to react or jump in, but it’s important to avoid giving unsolicited advice,” Salem cautions. At the same time, grandparents can notice aspects a harried parent may miss and, if handled carefully, can provide important insights. “I was known as the ‘fairy mom’, offer- ing magic, art and imagination. I was grateful my own mother was there, too, because one child needed more
structure and stability than I was providing,” says Tucker, a mother of four. “She gave me mindful feedback without making me feel like she was trying to usurp my role.” Moon suggests practicing “right
speech”—messages that are positive, af- firming and loving—with everyone. “It’s
important to be humble and recognize the huge job of parents and all they juggle. Let them know that you are there to sup- port them in whatever way you can.”
Connect with freelance writer April Thompson, in Washington, D.C., at
AprilWrites.com.
Conscious Grandparenting
Create new memories, but also share old stories. “Kids want to hear about how their parents were as children, and it gives them a sense of history,” advises author Susan Moon. Be open to learning new technology to communicate across the generational divide. “While grandparents learn about the world of social media from their grandchildren, they can also encourage them to cut back on checking their cell phones in favor of interpersonal activi- ties,” says art therapist Patricia Salem. When visiting grandkids, especially if
they live in different cities, “Always have some ‘grandma magic’ up your sleeve—like games,
puzzles or craft projects that can be collaborated on—to maximize precious time together,” suggests Moon. Invite grandchildren to try out meditation or breathing techniques prac-
ticed by their elders. “It can help lessen the stresses they encounter in school and at home,” says Salem. “Be careful to foster cooperation rather than competition in any shift- ing relationship with a child-turned-parent,” advises psychotherapist Carolyn Tucker. Otherwise, it can create chaos, undermine a parent’s confidence and strain relationships.
For more advice on being a great grandparent, visit
GrandparentsLink.com.
natural awakenings May 2017
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