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Regarding Relationship
By Marina Maurino, MA Reflecting Truth
Reflecting Truth is what I call my work because my inten-
tion is to reflect back to my clients the essence of who they really are. Each and every one of us is pure love and all we want as human beings is to love and be loved. How easy it is to forget this. Unfortunately, it is easier to numb out and live on autopilot aswe succumb to family,work and societal pressures. This common way of living is disruptive to our soul and to our relationships. In our Couples Counseling practice Joseph and I see cou-
ples as a couple. As objective outsiders, we know that it is important for us to discern the different layers of what each partner is saying. We know that each one is a unique, lovable and loving being who, in this moment of his/her life, is feeling disconnected from that love. Our work is to peel away those layers and to ask questions
that help the person find out what s/he is really feeling. This part of our work with the couple is what I would call the process. In other words, it is what is done to facilitate the cou- ple understanding the underpinnings of their relationship, what works, what doesn’t work and how their childhood wounds impact the relationship. All of this is important, however, I think that the real purpose of our presence in the couples’ lives is to hold a safe and sacred space for them to go through this and for us to reflect back to them the truth that we see. Fortunately, in most cases, we see two people who love
each other but have hit a wall. They are at odds, arguing, mis- communicating and wondering if they are going to make it. What we see is twofold. We see two adults in pain struggling to make sense of things, wanting it to work and yet not finding a way. Underneath all of this, we see their love.What we also see is the child in each one and those are the two that are fight- ing. The two adults love each other but each one’s inner child is being triggered and unconsciously trying to heal old wounds. Nature has us enter into relationship with someone who
will do exactly that: trigger our wounds so that we can grow. How else will we evolve without that? No one can trigger us as deeply as our intimate
partner.As we each begin to understand this and to use it as an opportunity for growth, we come into balance both as an individual and as a couple. That is the pur- pose of relationship. As impartial witnesses, it is important for us to hold a safe
space for themand also to hold the hope, promise and vision of their couplehood. It is important for us to reflect back to them the truth of who they are individually and together. “A soul
becomes free when it is seen”. I don’t remember where I read those words but they have stayed with me because they are so true. Healing takes place when our wounds are exposed to the air, when our shadows are exposed to the light and when our struggles and pain are vulnerably exposed to each other. To be exposed in the light of Love is the greatest gift we
can give ourselves. Can a couple do this alone?We can if as a couple we put aside our ego needs such as the need to be right and the need to be protected and if we can put our story and our “side” aside. This gives us each the space to be silent, to listen and also to be heard. Tomake this effectivewe need to dig deep into our feelings because that is where truth is. It is not in our story or drama. There is no truth there. What might at first show up as our truth may be just the
top layer. It is important to keep digging and finding what other feelings are lurking beneath the obvious ones. It is also very valuable to look at our patterns and see how the past and pre- sent overlap. For example, if you feel that something current is “just like I used to feel when….”, pay attention!Yes, your part- nermay be triggering those same feelings in you but it is not as much about your partner as about your own history. When we’re triggered, it simply means something is up for healing. Once we put aside our need to be right and to protect or
defend ourselves we have greater access to what is really true for us. Accessing our truth and allowing our partner to reflect it back to us is a profound intimacy. It is in sharing that truth and allowing ourselves to be seen, to be vulnerable in the pres- ence of the other, that we begin our journey to healing our rela- tionship and ourselves.
Marina Maurino, MA, is passionate about supporting her
clients to discover who they really are and to live the most authentic version of themselves. Going a step beyond talk ther- apy, she guides you to access and release (through emotional energy work) the feelings that are keeping you stuck and in pain and teaches you ways to create a spiritual life and con- scious healthy relationships. The session includes intuitive counseling, emotional energy healing and spiritual teaching. For info about private sessions, couples counseling (with her husband, JosephMaurino, LCSW, see ad p.19), healing circles or workshops please call 201-967-9377 or visit
www.reflectingtruth.com.
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