their covers of female pop artists. All jokes aside though, it’s unfair to lump together the entire market of LGBT weddings into one category. If a traditional wedding is heralded with such gender specificity of a man marrying a woman, it stands to reason a wedding of two men will be different than two women. In an attempt to answer the original question, I’ve narrowed down the following as to what I see as the biggest differences, with some tips to overcome the obstacles. The very beginning is a very good place to start, but,
most gay couples don’t know exactly where that is. Even aside from the fact that marriage equality is happening in more and more states, boys aren’t encouraged at a young age to dream of their wedding day. Straight weddings most often center on the bride. With either two brides or none, the balance in a same-sex wedding is completely shifted and focuses more evenly on the couple. Brides that have the easiest time planning their weddings are those that have a very clear picture of what they want. But this often isn’t the case for two grooms, or for lesbian brides who at a younger age in life realized they were a bit different than the other girls. What should my wedding look like? Same-sex couples that can only envision a bride and groom walking down an aisle, shar- ing a first dance and then cutting a cake ask this question very commonly. The first thing to know when planning a same-sex
wedding is that there are no rules … and that’s the fun part. Our lives are not “traditional,” so why would our weddings be? However, I’ve learned that sometimes, when I emphasize this upon meeting with a new couple, they look even more overwhelmed. Do no rules mean endless options? No, it just means something creative and customized. So, where do you begin when you have no idea how to start? I advise all couples
d
to look at a very extensive list of everything that can possibly go into a wedding. Each line item should be rated into categories of must-have, adamantly opposed and the varying degrees in between. Couples should think about everything they have loved at weddings they have attended and everything they have abhorred. Some same-sex couples have no desire to walk down an aisle, throw a bouquet or smear frosting on one another, while for some these traditions are very important. Once this brainstorming exercise is completed, the items should be put on a list beginning with what’s most important. This list will always be helpful as a place to circle back to throughout the planning process. The next step and one that is often challenging for same-sex
“Our lives are not
couples, is managing family expectations. All families are differ- ent as to how (and if) they accept their children as they enter into a same-sex marriage. However, if a couple has questions about how to plan a LGBT wedding, I can guarantee their parents and siblings will have even more to ask. A couple must decide what they want and expect from their families and then communicate that effectively. Will your parents be giving you
22 RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2015
‘traditional,’ so why would our weddings be?”
away? What about giving a toast? Will your sibling assume the role of best man or maid of honor? Will anyone own those titles? All of these must be considered by a couple—both individually and together. Financial planning for weddings is another aspect that is often a bit different for same-sex couples. Even in the world of straight weddings, times have changed... it’s often not that the father of the bride pays for the whole shebang anymore. But, same-sex couples must find out, if and to what extent, their parents will assist financially. I also encounter a tremendous amount of same-sex couples who have been together for years and are getting married now because they can. Often for them, parental involvement is a moot point. Since LGBT weddings are a relatively new notion, there aren’t thousands of years of traditions to honor. It prevents the “cookie- cutter wedding” and encourages couples to create a detailed, custom event where they only honor what wedding traditions, if any, they feel connected to. Since gay marriage is not an in- evitable rite of passage in early adulthood, the ceremony is often
emotionally overwhelming, for all who witness it. Gay people don’t have to make a political statement with their wedding cer- emony. But, a strong point is always made when straight people realize for the first
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