A Modern Family Perspective Mistakes Mom’s Make SANTA ROSA, CA. ~


faux-paux’s (I


but the small stinky


changing hope!), ones


kissing saying I


could write a daily column and fill it with the mistakes I have made as a parent. Not horrible life


that are more or less forgot- ten over time. Like


my son on the top of the head and


“Great job, punkin’” in front of the little league team after he hit a grand slam. I got a talking to that night.


I am taking a huge risk in re-


peating some of this. I’m likely to stir up old memories, but for the sake of enlightenment and entertainment, I’ll come clean. Perhaps I can spare some other parent or child a bit of grief. I won’t even try to list all


the baby boo-boo’s I made. I think it is a naturally occurring


thing. I did learn to wait a few minutes after certain noises, before changing a diaper. I dis- covered it really is best to let sleeping ba- bies lie, no matter how cuddly they look. And my husband found out the really hard, really gross way; never, ever hoist a just


fed baby over your head to play airplane, but if you do, keep your mouth closed! You get the point. Moving on to when they be-


come ambulatory. There is no point in yelling, “Look out!” to a toddler, because they will turn around to look at you and slam into whatever it was you were trying to keep them from running into in the first place. If there is a sharp corner on any piece of furniture, their face


By Cindy Cowan • seacyd@comcast.net


will find it. In fact the same place they punctured once will find the exact corner on the ex- act same piece of furniture at least two more times. They really should come with a handbook, instead we have to figure it out as we go along. You think you’re doing a good job preempting certain pitfalls, only to discover something you hadn’t thought of. The summer before our first kid started kin- dergarten, we thought it would be best to prepare him early. I told him that he would go to school Monday thru Friday, but we would do things together on the weekends. What I forgot to mention was that he would still come home every day, af- ter school. He was so freaked out, thinking he would have to eat and sleep in the classroom, that he became almost catatonic the week before school started. Oops! My bad! Like I said, I could fill a paper


with all my flubs, but I’ll finish up with one of my more spec-


tacular fails. We had a Hallow- een costume party for the entire third grade class, once. That in itself was the first mistake. Our decent sized backyard quickly became way too small for 21 little crumb droppers. Because it was Halloween, there was en- tirely too much candy available. (Who would have thought 8 year olds have no self-control?) Of course it’s not a party with- out cake, (more sugar) and then there was the fruit punch. I had filled a bowl with bright red juice and in it was a floating green hand. I poured Gatorade into a rubber glove and froze it overnight. Pretty cool, huh? As the kids became more and more hyper, I made a horrifying discovery. It wasn’t regular Gatorade I had used; it was extreme high energy- boosting fuel for athletes. When I went to remove the hand from the punchbowl, I saw that the thumb was missing. I scanned the yard and there, running in


... continued on page 23


UPBEAT TIMES • June 2014 • 19 Weird Facts & Fun Trivia -8


In 1440, German inventor Johannes Gutenberg invent- ed a printing press process that, with refinements and increased mechanization, remained the principal means of printing until the late 20th century. The inventor’s method of printing from mov- able type, including the use of metal molds and alloys, a special press, and oil-based inks, allowed for the first time the mass production of printed books.


Little Stuff


“I stand corrected”, said the man in the


orthopedic shoes. ~


Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says:


“Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?” ~


What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.


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UPBEAT TIMES • June 2014 • 19


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