These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No , I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: This myasthe- nia gravis , does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS:


I forget..


ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of some- thing you forgot?


ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do.. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: like your IQ.


He's 20, much


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM


47


WITNESS: Are you kid- ding me?


ATTORNEY: So the date of


conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid.


ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


ATTORNEY: How was your first


marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess.


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you per- formed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


ATTORNEY: ALL your


responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral...


ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS:


If not, he was by


the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to


give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


And last:


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS:


No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS:


No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS:


No..


ATTORNEY: So, then it is


alive when you began the


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,


nevertheless?


WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


possible that the patient was autopsy?


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