A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoul- der to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK?
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've
I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so bad- ly." The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut." The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bi- ble that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair." Dad's response: "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bot- tom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well... a bit late?) =====================
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) ===========================
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head- colds off those bulldozers.) =====================
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (
....and you thought??.) =====================
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleep- ing. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.) =====================
On a bag of Doritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) =====================
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be?) =====================
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion..) =====================
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not
iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me time?) =====================
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (..I'm taking this because?) =====================
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?) =====================
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) =====================
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?) =====================
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents and legislators for this one.) =====================
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening some- where? =====================
Now that you've, hopefully, smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) Blessed are the cracked: for it is they who let in the light.
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