healingways
HOW CAN WE ALL GET ALONG?
Resolving conflict benefits mind and body. by Lisa Shumate
“A
713-478-5649
dawn.sabo@
gmail.com
significant amount of wear- and-tear on the body comes from prolonged unresolved
conflict—from not letting go, holding grudges and reliving situations over and over in your head,” says Raj Dhasi, a Toronto-based conflict management consultant who specializes in the physiological impacts of conflict. “But if conflict happens and my mindset is: ‘I can handle this. We can work through this,’ that is phenomenally beneficial for the brain and body.” Dhasi explains that when faced
with any conflict— whether it’s an angry boss, dis- gruntled neighbor, political opponent or untidy teen in the house—our limbic system responds swiftly by igniting a cascade of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol and spiking our heart rate and blood pressure. Meanwhile, our prefron- tal cortex— the part of the brain respon- sible for thinking things through and putting the brakes on emo- tional, irrational behaviors—begins to slowly light up. The fundamental problem is that in
18 Houston
the race to mount a response, the limbic system often wins, prompting us to greet conflict impulsively by raising our voice and saying things we later regret before our rational brain has time to step in. On the flip side, many of us avoid
conflict altogether, harboring discontent in such a way that we feel powerless or even threatened. Making matters worse, our fight-or-flight response never quite goes away, says Gary Harper, author of The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Trans- forming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home. “More people are stressed out by not dealing with a conflict than with dealing with it,” Harper observes. “If you deal with it in the moment, it allows you to let it go.”
Pause, Breathe, Consider
Harper advises that one way to deal with con- flict on the spot is to pause and give our more rational side a
chance to
arrive at a solu- tion. “Before you react, slow down, take a
deep breath and listen to your in- ner dialogue,” he says. “In that deep
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48