SPOTLIGHT
photography courtesy of Logo
What do you want viewers take away from the series? I hope that people will see themselves on television because there is a bit of everyone
represented and there is something we can all relate to on some level. I hope that they see the polar opposites and everything in between. Ultimately, I hope they start talking about sex, because it’s not a subject people are comfortable with discussing. Do you think that is the root of many of the issues people have surrounding sex? Yes, that is part of it. But really it’s a multitude of things. Most of my clients come from
some kind of traumatic history. There’s been a rupture of how he or she handles rela- tionships. It’s really complex and hard to sum up. In short, history, biology, culture all come into play. Men are geared toward hyper-sexuality because their role is to keep the species going. But we’ve evolved beyond that as a culture and come up with this crazy idea of monogamy. Monogamy does not occur in nature. So it creates pressure to be with one partner for a lifetime. On the show, we confront the issues surrounding
polyamorous relationships and the reality that it actu- ally exists and works for some people. We see those participants work with me as we discuss building boundaries and parameters, which help them to have a healthy sexual relationship. It’s great because you get to watch the actual addictions in action, then you see the participants work with me behind closed doors. How do you define a sex addict? I’m glad you asked that because there’s a huge differ-
cheated out of many years of coming into our sexuality because we’re socialized and it’s beaten into us that we’re supposed to follow that template. Instead we’re thrust into our sexuality usually as adults when we accept ourselves. Often gays and lesbians experiment in shame and then there’s sexual promiscuity. Not that being promiscuous is a bad or anything, because I don’t use that word.
No you don’t. I actually like that fact, which you make clear by crossing it out in the show titleBad Sex.
Exactly! I hope people see that. Bad sex is what a lot of us call a multitude of sexual “Sex is the most
misunderstood subject in the world. I have a very sex-positive approach and
behaviors. The spin of the show is that it’s not bad. I can’t throw a number out there and say if you exceed this number in a week it means you’re slutty or addictive. If you’re healthy and single and getting to work and doing your job, then have fun. But if you’re like Ryan in the first episode who can’t get to work, that’s a problem. For me, bad sex is usually based on what’s not working for the individual. That’s certainly easy these days, as the onslaught of technology has certainly influenced the acces- sibility of sex. What is your take on sex literally being at our fingertips with the many so-called “dating” sites that people use to hook up? That’s great for somebody in the rural Midwest to connect
I believe there is no such thing as bad sex, as long as it is between two consenting adults.”
ence between a sex addict and sexual promiscuity. Sex addicts have extreme sexual behaviors that usually have negative consequences. For example, it’s severely impair- ing to relationships if the person is married or in a committed relationship. Or it impacts the person’s work life because he or she can’t get to work on time, or isn’t focused while there. There are also health and psychological consequences. The person usually feels out of control and/or has feelings of guilt and shame. Do you find that as a community which is defined by our sexuality that the LGBT community struggles with unhealthy sexual relationships more than our straight counterparts? Yes. Straight people have the advantage of falling in love and experiencing relation-
ships early on. They date, experience the heartbreak and break-ups. They often get to experiment with sex and their sexuality. As gay men and women in this society we are
with a community that they otherwise would not have ac- cess to. When it takes away from other forms of socializing and stops people from everyday activities then it’s a prob- lem. Overall, I don’t have a problem with such sites, but for people who have even a mild sex addiction, it boils up. It’s only going to get worse with smartphones. What advice can you give to someone who might feel he or she are struggling with sex addiction or for those who have intimacy issues and who avoid sex? Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling.
Then begin to talk about it and seek help with dealing with whatever the issues may be so you can lead a healthy sexual
existence. I want my clients to feel okay by what turns them on because we don’t get to choose that. It’s like being gay or straight. My job is to find a way for them to work with it. So if you’re an exhibitionist, great. We’ll find a way to make it work without consequences. You’ve certainly given great insight and have wonderful perspective of the topic and issues sur- rounding sex. Thank you for talking to us and for the work you do. Best of luck to on your personal sexual revolution and with the series! Thank you for allowing me the forum to spread the word and hopefully get people to
openly talk about sex! Bad Sexpremieres on Logo Friday, November 4 at 9 p.m.
36 RAGE monthly | NOVEMBER 2011
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