Health Advice
Agony aunt
How do you stop your son’s swearing? What does it mean to have a Gifted and Talented child? How do you rebuild confidence after cancer? First Eleven’s Agony Aunt Victoria Lambert rounds up the experts to answer your questions
THE PSYCHOLOGIST Dr Frances Goodhart is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist and author of The Cancer Survivor’s Companion: practical ways to cope with your feelings after cancer (Piatkus; ISBN 978-0-7499-5485-7).
THE MUSICIAN Stephen Threlfall is Director of Music at Chetham’s School of Music, Manchester, one of the country’s leading musical educators. He is a highly experienced musician (conductor and a cellist).
THE LIFE COACH Pete Cohen’s career spans over 20 years. He is a life coach, expert in human behaviour, business mentor, motivational speaker, weightloss expert and bestselling author. Sort your Life Out by Pete Cohen (Rodale, £7.99).
THE TEACHER Rhys Johnston is an experienced teacher, and is the Director of Studies, and a Design and Technology co-ordinator at south London boys’ preparatory school, Eltham College Junior School.
THE PERSONAL TRAINER Roger Love is the principal personal trainer at Love London Fitness, a personal training studio based in London Fields in East London. He works in parks across the city and at clients’ homes.
THE SPECIAL NEEDS EXPERT Jo Petty is director of the Dyslexia Teaching Centre in London. She trained originally as a speech and language therapist but has extensive experience with children and adults with dyslexia and special education needs.
60 FirstEleven Autumn 2011
My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago. She is in remission, but our three sons, aged 16, 14 and 11 are still very affected. The youngest’s school work has collapsed, the eldest child is coping with GCSEs while the middle boy seems to be managing best but loses his temper a lot. Where do I start to rebuild their confidence and former happiness? James, London
and getting their endorphins flowing! Tink about the boys individually and encourage them to find a sport that they would enjoy themselves. School staff may think that because your wife has finished her treatment everything is OK. Try to explain that the boys may need more understanding now than before. Are there any staff that the boys could talk to? Does the school have a counsellor who might be able to offer some support? Should you become more concerned about any of your sons, talk to your GP who will be able to advise you about local and family support services.
My son is nine and we have been told he is Gifted and Talented. I don’t like the label – surely, he is just a bright little boy and we should make sure he has plenty of homework, while aiming for somewhere like St Paul’s? Hugh, west London
Dr Frances Goodhart says: It is only when life is beginning to return to some sort of normality that the most difficult feelings emerge. It is therefore not surprising that your boys are still affected. First, check with the boys what they understand has happened to your wife and what they think the future might hold. Watch out for any misconceptions they may have about the causes and course of cancer. Remember to make your information age-appropriate but truthful. If you don’t know something, it is OK to admit this. Macmillan Cancer Support has information about how to talk to children when a parent has cancer
http://www.macmillan.org.uk/ Cancerinformation/Livingwithandaftercancer/ Relationshipscommunication/ Talkingtochildren/
Copingwithchanges.aspx. Set up a weekly “family talk time”. Tis is a chance to check in with how everyone is feeling, to review the previous week, to identify and acknowledge achievements and to highlight and plan for any events that are coming up. It sounds like each of the boys are quite wound up. Exercise is a wonderful way of releasing physical tension
Jo Petty says: I don’t like the label much either and it requires some clarification. “Gifted” children are those who have abilities in one or more academic subjects. Tese children learn faster than others and out perform their peers to a significant degree. “Talented” children have a particular skill such as music, art, sport or performing arts. Tese children require not only recognition but also to have their needs met. Tey can have trouble coping with their intellect or socialising with their peers. If the school has identified your son, ask what opportunities they can offer him to enable him to develop his gifts/ talents. I would also be in favour of a tutor who can accelerate his learning and perhaps broaden his interests.
www.firstelevenmagazine.co.uk
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