GENERALLY SPEAKING
Are you a Prostitute?
ROD MACDONALD EDITOR
show them what we can do! Unfortunately, this makes you a prostitute. If this shocks you, then I got your atten-
H
tion. Your behaviour may not be sexual favours for money, but it is holding something back, or offering something, but only in return for something else. The problem with living this way is that while it may serve to protect us at some superficial level, you must ask yourself if the other person is thinking the same thing. If so, then you are at an impasse. Neither one is giving because you both are waiting to take. Imagine how you would feel if your significant other gave you everything you
need (i.e. emotional and psychological “needs” and not material “wants”). Imagine getting everything you need, not everything the other person is willing to give. What would that feel like? If all your needs were met for security, variety, communication, recognition, opportunities for growth and contribution, that would feel pretty darn good. In fact, you would probably get back to calling that person your “soul mate” and find yourself returning the favour naturally. Would your quality of communication improve under those circumstances?
Would your relationships with others be improved indirectly as a result? Of course they would. So if you would feel that great having all your needs met, wouldn’t you get some satisfaction from meeting their needs in a similar way? Your challenge is to do it. Pick someone in your life (more than one if you want),
and through intuition or direct questions, identify what their primary needs are, and completely blow them away with your generosity. If they like surprises, send them an unexpected bouquet of flowers or a hand-written note. If they appreciate connection and relationships, tell them how much they mean to you in different ways (spoken, written, with a gift, etc.). The result will be astonishing. Whatever your relationship is now, it will be that much bigger, stronger, and more connected 90 days from now, if not sooner. Sometimes people on the receiving end will question it, or challenge it, especially if
your behaviour is opposite to what they are used to. That would be a natural reaction to which you might respond with giving up because you are not being appreciated. But if you did that, you would be back to being a prostitute since you would be wait- ing for something in return for your behaviour. But no matter what they say or do, keep giving. And then give some more. You need to check in to see if you really are meeting their needs or if you are off target, but if you know where to aim and keeping hitting the bullseye, you will melt their resistance and they will be open to you and all the potential your relationship has to offer. This approach is counter-intuitive to us because we are taught from an early age
to expect things after we’ve given something. But if you adopt an attitude of giving, and give up receiving, everything in your life will change. Today can be the first day of the rest of your life, whereby you give everything you have to those around you and you step up to a new level of relationship, one of unconditional connection. Don’t wait, do it right now.
ave you ever found yourself holding back at work, or in your per- sonal relationships? Chances are you’ve held back at some point in your life, and very likely that you are holding back right now. We all hold back, and more often than not, it is because we have fooled ourselves into thinking that we should hold back until the other person involved gives us what we want. Then we’ll really
6 canfitpro MARCH/APRIL 2011
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