Straight Talk About Special Needs
Q: A:
Dear Mecca,
Do you ever get used to the stares you get when you have a child with special needs?
Oh the stares! It used to bother me, too. When Cam was 3, we were playing in a park. I heard a little girl say “Mommy, LOOK AT THAT LITTLE GIRL OVER THERE!” I steadied myself for the usual comments: why is her tongue sticking out? why can’t she talk? why is she drooling? Then the little girl said “She is SO cute! Can I play with her?” What a breath of fresh air. Fast forward 10 years. A few weeks ago, while my family was waiting for a table at a restaurant (the con of having such a large family... it takes a while to get a table for 7) my middle boy, Alex, asked me why some kids GET to be pushed in a chair.
I
We have three children. Our middle boy is autistic, and therefore doesn’t help with chores. His older and younger siblings complain that “it’s not fair” that he doesn’t help. We’ve tried to explain that he’s different, but they still com- plain. Any suggestions?
Q:
happened in our house. The siblings knew that our child with differences was perfectly capable of helping out with
A: 18 North Texas Kids • February 2011 •
www.NorthTexasKids.com Aha...what is happening in your house is what
hadn’t seen a family with a boy in a wheelchair - about the same age as Alex - enter the restaurant. I answered Alex’s questions as best I could... he asked me why the boy’s legs didn’t work the same as his, if the boy had ever walked, etc. When I saw the boy he was talking about, I guess I could confess that I stared. I didn’t stare at the boys disability, however, but this family. Three boys, mom and dad... a very handsome family. My glance lingered at the peace, joy, and strength this family exuded. They were just a normal fam- ily going out to lunch. Like us. And I looked at them with admiration, not negativity. Cameron still looks different, and at times, acts differently. Those who stare either don’t understand her disability (like Alex) or do, and with that knowledge, look at us in a different, kinder light.
Dear Mecca, with Mecca Robbins
chores, and was happily avoiding them. All family mem- bers above the age of 2 are capable of helping with chores. Even if you have a child that is developmentally above the age of 2, they can do something to assist. My 3 year old can bring small trash cans to the large trash bin and empty them. She also can take a duster and get lower shelves and in-between stair posts nice and clean. Our 5 year old is a whiz at pairing things up, so he can straighten shoes in the closet and make bookshelves look great! I only trust our 11 yr old with cleansers, so he cleans bathrooms. My 7 yr old can work a spray mop well (I just fill it with warm water and vinegar) and get the hard floors clean. Our child with Down Syndrome was getting out of chores by throwing a fit and shutting herself in her room. She’s bigger than me and it seemed as though I couldn’t get her to help... until I found a chore that she’s good at. She now unloads and loads the dishwasher and then wipes all the counter tops. I simply reserved her chores for her. I waited until the fit was over. I did have to dis-allow the computer and tv until her chore was done for the first few times we did it, but now when it’s “family chore hour” she goes right over to the sink. As with all kids, keep your requests consistent each week. Routine is essential. I’ve found that even though she does less “work” than the other children, I can explain that each person in the family helps at the level that they excel at. I praise them for their hard work (finding something specific to compliment) and make sure they “connect the dots” - when we all pitch in, we can get to the FUN stuff much faster! Good Luck!
Mecca is a professional speaker, trainer, and partner of Project Mom. With 5 children: Cameron (13), Nicolas (11), Alex (8), Chance (5), and Reese (4), having one child with Down Syndrome and another with ADHD, Mecca was often asked “How do you do it?” This question led her to leave a successful corporate career of over 15 years and to focus on motivational speaking and training for parents. Contact Mecca at
mecca@projmom.com.
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