The ‘carry on’ chainsaw!
THIS is really going to bring out the ‘Victor Meldrew’ in all of you! Passengers on a New Zealand internal flight out of Auckland started to smell petrol. One passenger, who was savvy to the fact that planes don’t use petrol, takes up the story. “I went through security at Auckland domestic airport and witnessed a passenger having to fish out her nail scissors from her handbag and leave them behind. I went through security and boarded the plane.” “After being seated I could smell
“In one of the the overhead lockers they found a chainsaw in a bag that was leaking petrol into the compartment.”
petrol. I knew you shouldn’t be able to smell petrol on a plane, because planes don’t use petrol. The smell got worse and eventually I got the attention of one of the flight attendants. They started to look around to see where it was coming from.”
Quote me happy
“I was disappointed Mexico didn’t qualify for Euro 2008.” Mexico’s WWE wrestler Rey Mysterio shows off his extensive football knowledge.
“You might say that Frings can only get better...” Andy Gray on Torsten Frings having a broken rib... and the Beeb’s Gary Lineker on TFs poor form.
“I’m left-handed in nearly everything I do - golf, cricket, everything except kicking a ball.” New Zealand batsman Daniel Flynn.
“It’s a wonderful, wonderful signing for us. Stefan Oakes’ left foot can peel carrots.” Lincoln City manager Peter Jackson on his new signing.
“Thirty per cent of the black players in the Premier League are black.” Paul Elliott on Radio 5 Live.
“Unsurprisingly, Nel is as popular with cricket traditionalists as naked wicketkeepers.” BBC Sport’s Tom Fordyce on Andre Nel.
“It’s not like he’s going to run into the 18-yard box and hit it in from 25 yards” Andy Gray on ESPN.
“Both players are getting a feel for each other right now. Just getting a feel of their balls.” Greg Rusedski
“My sister sent me a text on Thursday to ask ‘are you at that Open thingy yet?’” Leading amateur golfer Chris Wood after finishing fifth at the Open thingy.
“Brad Friedels don’t grow on trees.” Blackburn chairman John Williams shows he paid attention in science class.
“I like steak and kidney pie but I wouldn’t want it every day of the week. If your wife made you it on Monday, great. Again the next day, fine. But you’d be fit to throw it at her by the end of the week.” Geoff Boycott on the “overkill” of Twenty20.
More at
www.bbc.co.uk
commentating on the early stages of the encounter between Nadal and Youzny.
Forward THINKING
Dates for your diary SEPTEMBER
2nd to 3rd - Four Oaks Trade Show, Cheshire, UK (
www.fouroaks-
tradeshow.com)
The plane was delayed as the owner of the chainsaw was identified and the offending item was removed and put with the main luggage.
2nd-4th - IOG SALTEX, Windsor Racecourse (
www.iogsaltex.co.uk)
The owner of the chainsaw said security had stopped him but had let him through because chainsaws weren’t one of the items on their list to confiscate!
This little piggy!
Our Laurence turns his hand to rewriting proverbs and finds a new way to describe ‘December’!
“
You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s arse
A programme of aeration is undertaken after November and always finished before January
I believe you want me to explain to you about the orgasms in your soil
They should be self realising what they are
The club have invested heavily in machinery and have built up a large infantry of vehicles and mowers.
... the whole pitch is dome finishing at 22.30 hours
Within seconds the whole court was covered in less than 20 seconds
Feeding is kept to a bear minimal A couple of mothers you can use
... there would be 40 plus members training and drinking in the bars during the week
From what I saw the evidence is clear to see
The Yorkshire captain, Darren Guff
Generally, the norm is to mow ...
”
4th - engage Super League Grand Final, Old Trafford, Manchester (
www.superleague.co.uk)
4th to 7th - Burghley Horse Trials, Lincolnshire (
www.burghley-horse.co.uk)
6th - Guinness Premiership Rugby Union season begins (
www.guinnesspremiership.com)
7th - Soccer Aid, Wembley Stadium (
www.unicef.org.uk/socceraid/index.asp)
15th to 19th - BASIS training course (Week 1 of 2), STRI, Bingley (
www.stri.co.uk)
17th - Exhibitor Open Day for TGA Turf Show 2008, Q Lawns, Norfolk (
www.turfgrass.co.uk)
21st to 23rd - GLEE, NEC Birmingham (
www.gleebirmingham.com)
25th to 28th - Golf, British Masters, The Belfry (
www.quinninsurancebritishmasters.com)
OCTOBER
1st - Reaseheath Sportsturf Machinery Show, Reaseheath College, Cheshire (
www.reaseheath.ac.uk)
5th to 7th - Golf Europe 2008, Munich Trade Fair Centre (
www.golf-europe.com)
6th to 10th - BASIS training course (Week 2), STRI, Bingley (
www.stri.co.uk)
9th to 12th - Golf, World Match Play Championship, Wentworth Club, Surrey (
www.europeantour.com)
22nd to 23rd - ‘Integrating Ecology into golf course management’, STRI, Bingley (
www.stri.co.uk)
30th, Pitchcare Essential Management Skills, Day 1 of 2, St Albans School (
www.pitchcare.com/training)
NOVEMBER
5th to 6th - ‘Understanding the science and management of your grounds and parklands’, STRI, Bingley (
www.stri.co.uk)
5th to 6th - IOG Scotsturf, Royal Highland Hall, Edinburgh (
www.iogscotsturf.co.uk)
8th - Rugby Union, England v Pacific Islands, Twickenham Stadium (
www.rfu.com)
10th to 13th - ‘Understanding the science and management of your golf course’, STRI, Bingley (
www.stri.co.uk)
13th - Pitchcare Essential Management Skills, Day 1 of 2, Lancs CCC (
www.pitchcare.com/training)
17th to 20th - ‘Understanding the science and management of your sports grounds’, STRI, Bingley (
www.stri.co.uk)
To add your event to Forward Thinking please email details to
ellie@pitchcare.com and don’t forget that you can add it to Pitchcare’s online calendar yourself! Simply log on to
www.pitchcare.com, select ‘Calendar’ in the Home drop down button on the top banner and click on “Add event’ at the top of the page.
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