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HELPING THE HEROES

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We had an email from a man who lives on the flight path to Manchester Airport. During the week when flights were grounded due to the Iceland volcanic ash problem, he was astonished at how quiet it was without the aircraft noise. It was so quiet that he could hear all the traffic on the M62.

Harold & Ethel

Ethel: That nice Mr Attenborough was on Telly last night and he said: According to legend the Eskimos have over one hundred words for snow

Harold: Well, according to that nice Mr Hanson, the football legend, the Scots have over one hundred different names for someone who’s crap at football.

ELECTION SPECIAL: The man who threw an egg at the local Green Party candidate during last month’s election was beaten up by supporters before being whisked away by the police.

We've now got a website as we mentioned last month, and although we are still developing it, we did spend ages thinking of a clever name. We eventually came up with:

www.thelocalherald.co.uk.

The following companies didn't spend quite as much time considering how their online name might appear! They are legitimate companies, and you can check them out.

1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:

www.whorepresents.com

2. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:

www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than' Pen Island '. It can be found at:

www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:

www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:

www.powergenitalia.com

6.

www.speedofart.com

Breaking News:

Police in Liverpool just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, and £50 million in forged UK banknotes, all in a semi- detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth. Local residents were stunned. A community spokesman said: "We're shocked. We never knew we had a Library!!"

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3.

Who is this ? Answer on page 12.

Years

1962–1967 SPAL 1967–1970 Roma

National team 1972–1976 Italy

1970–1976 Juventus 165 1976–1980 Milan 69 Total

Team Appearances (Goals) 40 62

(3)

(11) (27) (4)

332 32

(45) (8 )

Is Football Important ? The Legend Bill Shankly.

Football’s not a matter of life and death, it’s much more important than that.

Of course I didn’t take my wife to see Rochdale as an

anniversary present. It was her birthday. Would I have got married during the football season ?

And anyway it wasn’t Rochdale, it was Rochdale Reserves. 'IP computer ' sof tware, there's always:

www.ipanywhere.com

7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at:

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