Oh….. the English Language.
We have lots of people coming to this country with a meagre understanding of the English language and often find work in the service industry. By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS,' a common English phrase. I am sure I have spoken to this person, or at least his brother The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service in a hotel ... Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." Room Service: " Rye . Roon
sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???" Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs." Room Service: "Ow ulai den?" Guest: ".....What??" Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud , pochd?" Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry..Scrambled, please." Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?" Guest: "Crisp will be fine." Room Service: "Hokay. Ansahn toes?" Guest: "What?" Room Service: "An toes. ulaisahn toes?" Guest: "I.... Don't think so.." Room Service: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???" Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means." Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...WhyUoo donwan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?" Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine." Room Service: "We botter?" Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side." Room Service: "Wad?!?" Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side." Room Service: "Copy?" Guest: "Excuse me?" RoomService: "Copy...tea.. meel?" Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything." RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??" Guest: "Whatever you say." RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts." Guest: "You're welcome" Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'
......and you do, don't you?!!!
But Help is at Hand……..
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling has room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan to become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected making more komplikated changes possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Having said all that, how important is spelling anyway ?
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
There was a goalkeeper called Walter, Who played on the island of Malta.
But his kicks were so long, and the wind was so strong, That the ball ended up in Gibraltar.
Bernard Manning on Manchester city.
A male MP was found dead in stockings and suspenders. He
was also wearing a Manchester City scarf, but the police kept it quiet about the scarf so as not to embarrass his relatives.
28.
The entire contents of the Manchester City trophy room have been stolen. Police are looking for a man carrying a light blue carpet.
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