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RESOURCES horoscopes
by vera divine
PISCES February 20 – March 20
Insanity is defined as applying the same old mascara and expecting
completely different lashes every time. You can quote me on that! You
can also take my word on the fact that you need to take a time-out at
SCORPIO October 24 – November 22
work to rethink what you are trying to pull off. You don’t need to sprain
The energy builds, your muscles tighten, your
the old groin in order to get that juicy recognition you seek. Just take
juices flow. You gasp as things heat up and you can
a different approach to your assignment. You’d better believe that your
barely manage to keep going without collapsing
fellow Pisces RIhANNA is putting all her attention into her next image
onto those under you. You huff, you puff, and
reinvention. How much do you want to bet she’ll shave her head?
then… Nothing. Yeah, that’s right. There seems to
be no payoff to your toil and torment, and this will
no doubt aggravate you to no end through the first
ARIES March 21 – April 20 this year. As lethargic as you may feel, try not to mimic
two weeks. But when you find yourself ready to snap,
You’re not known to second-guess your bold steps, Britney’s latest choreography style. A hot, romantic
remember what delayed gratification can offer...
are you? Hey, don’t sweat it, intrepidity is one of the evening with that cutie who won’t leave you alone
and silently wonder what fellow Scorpio Matthew
qualities that makes you so magnetic! But for the might give you the necessary boost to keep on push-
McConaughey was doing, running around naked
first few weeks of the month, you must become fast ing. And remember to push it good! Cancerian Tom
in his home with Cole Hauser. Innocently bangin’ the
friends with restraint. Circumstances could cause Hanks needed to get his drag on in the mid-1980s in
bongo, no doubt.
your nerve to provoke a whole lot of Aries-entment! order to get a date to touch his bosoms, remember?
Keep cool and focus on those great organizational
SAGITTARIuS November 23 – December 22
skills to pull you through these tricky times. And by all LEO July 24 – August 23
Wake up! Ready those hooves for a tender little
means, keep the Rosie O’Donnell-mouth in check! Watch your step, luscious Leo. There’s the distinct
trot! This month will be a great opportunity for a ro-
possibility that you’ll make a mountain out of a mantic experiment, but only if you check the attitude
TAuRuS April 21 – May 21 molehill, as gross as that sounds. This month, you
at the door and give that special someone a fighting
If money is the “root” of all evil, Prada’s new Nappa need to find some perspective and, as luck would
chance! Be generous with your time and attention
Leather Shopping Tote must be the flower that have it, a close older “friend” could help you do just
in matters like this, but ration them out in other
springs from the vine! Unfortunately, such extrava- that. Whether your fancy leads you down Daddy Al-
areas like work. The walls won’t crumble while you’re
gances are often the first material casualties in tough ley or Cougar Lane, you’ll see your confidence reach
away…unless you’re a carpenter. Remember what
times like these. You lavish Taureans know my pain. new heights…among other things. Just don’t go all
Britney Spears once said? “A guy like you should
Try not to get carried away with expenses right now. ambiguous on us like our administrative Leo-nator,
wear a warning!”
One thing that works for me when I absolutely MUST Arnold Schwarzenegger. Choose the rainbow flag
get a mall fix: bring along someone who’s naturally and stick to it!
CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20
frugal. I know, it’s basically the shopping equivalent
Complexity may be admirable to an outsider you’re
of a cock block, but come month’s end, you may have VIRGO August 24 – September 23
trying to impress, but keep it up, and your smoke-
a few unclaimed bucks left over. Shirley MacLaine At times, it may seem like your Virgo neuroses and
and-mirrors show will come tumbling down before
may have played the role of Coco Chanel, but she need for order are driving others away. For someone
your final act! Old habits seem to be ruling in your life
knows better than to pay full retail price! who dislikes disharmony of any kind, you sure do
right now and a relationship of yours might be under-
manage to create your share of chaos! Don’t worry, going tension from an unseen misunderstanding. Try
GEMINI May 22 – June 21 my queen of clutter. This month you can look forward
to keep all your options simple and well within view.
Principles are funny things, Gemini. It’s important to a relaxing break from it all. The only catch: you have
If you’re not sure where to place priority, rely on the
that you stand up for them in the first week of this scary to resist snapping back into old habits. Just save as
words of a trusted old friend. I wonder whose advice
month. You might feel it’s not your place to be the snag much energy as possible because toward the end of
Ricky Martin relied on when it came time to wax his
in the development process, but there is a battle to be the month, your talent as social lubricator (mediator)
body hair.
won and if you stay firm, it will boost your confidence will be sorely needed. Just don’t go overboard! We
like no bottle of absinthe ever could. Romance looks get it, Adam Sandler! You’re okay with the gays.
AQuARIuS January 21 – February 19
more likely now that you have learned the value of
Slow down, take inventory of your resources and
patience. After decades of being called the Madonna LIbRA September 24 – October 23
rethink your situation. It may seem as though you’re
of down under, Kylie Minogue knows a thing or two Lucky Libra! Your professional duties will be a care-
floating confidently, but a slight miscalculation might
about waiting it out! free breeze at the start of this month. Enjoy that while
be bolstering your descent into the stagnant depths.
it lasts! Just around the corner awaits a complication Fortunately, only a quick examination is needed
CANCER June 22 – July 23 of variable intensity. Depending on your prepared-
to identify the snag—plus, that extra padding you
When people say “one step forward and two steps ness, it could either ruffle your feathered boa or
gained over the holidays will keep you buoyant! Stay
back,” they’re not describing that tacky dance move simply make you roll your eyes in nonchalance. Either
on the lookout for a loved one who needs direction
you’ve been trying out lately. They’re making refer- way, don’t get too comfortable with a frown on your
with your concise words. Make like Brandy and rethink
ence to you! It’s very important that you don’t lose face. You’ll need more plastic surgery than even your
your contributions. You may not get a reality show on
all the personal progress that you have already made rich friend Barbara Walters can afford!
VH1 like she has, but at least you won’t be burnt out!
64 RAGE monthly | MARCH 2010
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